Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Toot Butter Snickers

Of all the funny potty words my kids have created in their short time on this earth the most popular has got to be "toot butter."

They run up to you with a cupped hand and through giggles ask, "Do you want some toot butter?" then laugh hysterically as you pretend to be horrified and grossed out.

As if toot butter wasn't enough potty humor for the week consider what my dear husband did to me the other night:

We were sorting (aka: looting) the kids' Halloween candy after the kids were in bed and I set aside the Snickers bars to put in the fridge. I can't stand Snickers at room temperature but frozen they are yummy. I asked my angel of a husband to put the fun sized Snickers in the freezer on his way to the kitchen. I sat happily sugared next to the arm of the couch as my hubby did what he was asked to do and he returned to the couch to be with me. To my confusion, instead of cuddling next to me again he climbed up on the arm of the couch where I was leaning. He stood up on the arm of the couch with his back towards me. I was still trying to figure out what he was doing when he proudly bared his behind and...oh geez...for lack of a better term..."spread em." Inside "em" was something brown and about 3 inches long and I shrieked and stood up in time so that the brown psuedo-poop only smeared the edge of my skirt when it fell from it's nasty surroundings. That punk laughed so hard I think he almost fell off the arm of the couch. I don't remember much after that except him laughing at me and me repeating over and over: "What the hell is wrong with you?" To men chocolate candy bars are a great poop gag just waiting to happen, but rare is a man who has so little inhibition that he would actually go through the motions of playing that kind of prank on his wife.

I will never be able to look at Snickers the same way again. It's all toot butter to me now.