Thursday, August 30, 2007


You Are Guinness

You know beer well, and you'll only drink the best beers in the world.

Watered down beers disgust you, as do the people who drink them.

When you drink, you tend to become a bit of a know it all - especially about subjects you don't know well.

But your friends tolerate your drunken ways, because you introduce them to the best beers around.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Jawbreakingly crunchy.

Elimination communication is the term for parents who try to read their baby's body language in order to anticipate the need to go to the bathroom. So in other words, mom is carrying baby, baby grunts, mom runs to sink and holds baby over it and makes a hissing noise. Baby pees in sink. No diapers, no mess.

Or so it seems....

As the mother to three children who I nursed, co-slept with, and wore I cannot see why some people feel the need to push the envelope of AP any further. We are already hard working enough as it is, why add to it? Plus, how can you have a life outside of your child if you have to listen for grunts and facial expressions all the time? I can see it now:

(mom and dad having intimate time in bed)

Mom: Was that the baby?

Dad: I don't know, I think that was me.

Mom: I think I heard the pee grunt.

Dad: Are you sure it just wasn't a sleeping grunt?

Mom: Could be an "I'm hungry" grunt.

Dad: Peek in on Junior.

(mom peeks in)

Mom: He's asleep.

(kissing, petting resumes)

Mom: I think I heard another grunt.

Dad: Just ignore it.

Mom: I can't! I have to go get him.

Dad: (frustrated, looking at his man area) Please hurry!

(mom leaves and comes back)

Mom: I think he just has gas. I'll put him in the bed with us just in case he starts crying.

(Dad rolls over, exasperated)

Maybe in some elaborate way this diaperless method can be a good birth control.

If you are someone who does E.C. then I commend you. You have taken on the most time consuming task on earth. I just hope you don't give me dirty looks when I toss my Pampers diaper into the garbage. I like having hot passionate sex with my husband uninterrupted. I like being able to go to the store without looking for a potential toilet for my infant in the frozen foods aisle. I also like my house and my clothing to smell like Downy and Febreeze and not like a dog kennel. Plus, Pamper's Points get you really cool toys when you redeem them. :-)

Too crunchy for my taste. Sorry.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Devious Plan

In the Mommy Olympics there are a few categories:

1. Those who exaggerate about their children's accomplishments and then brag.

"My child was talking like an adult at 12 months." ~My grandmother about my uncle.

2. Those who push their children hard and then brag about how much they can do.

"Johnny is reading above his grade level, spends 2 hours a night on homework, takes karate, soccer, and art lessons with a private teacher and then on weekends we volunteer at our church and he feeds the homeless and is on his way to solving world hunger in his spare time...." (I'm tuning this person out by now.)

3. Those who nurture their children to become the best they can and brag about areas they excell in.

"Chloe is a fantastic writer. She is already writing in paragraphs and she just started first grade." ~ Me, about my 6 year old. (Notice I snuck that in there.) :-)

And then there are those who refuse to participate in the Mommy Olympics, and those are the moms I have to wonder a bit about. I mean, you birthed a beautiful living breathing's your God-given right to brag about this little person! To those women I say "Get into the game!"

Today I will begin volunteering in my daughter's first grade classroom. I will be helping with the Advanced Reading program. This means I will be gauging how well the children are reading and understanding what they read. I do this because I love being able to see Chloe's classroom close up. I love helping her awesome teacher and I love kids. However, I also do it so I can see how well Chloe is doing and how she is measuring up to the other kids. I want to watch Chloe and figure out where she needs help and where she is strong in so I can work on those areas with her. I can also see how she behaves in class (not that she is a problem) and how she interacts with her peers. This is my "mommy detective" hard at work making sure I know my daughter well enough to nurture her through her school year. I'm looking forward to watching her shine and glow when her mommy comes in to help. She is really excited to have me come's almost tear jerking to know she is so proud that I am her mommy.

Is there anything better than walking into a classroom and being "Chloe's Mommy?" This is going to be the highlight of my day today.

Um, two months later...

I started blogging on the day that started a month of non-stop urgent care and doctor visits for my little ones. Here is the final score:

Ear infections: 4

Corneal Abrasions: 1

Croup: 2

Stomach Flu: 1

Eye infections: 1

Well, at least I have established myself at the urgent care. The staff knows me now and is probably trying to determine whether I am nuts or just having a string of really bad luck.

So I am back to writing. I've loved writing ever since I was a kid. I used to make my own "chapter books" when I was in second grade and take scotch tape and cover the front page so it appeared laminated. I would even include a table of contents. When I don't write I don't feel like I am in touch with myself. Writing has given me a wonderful outlet and I savor the time I spend spewing my random thoughts and stories out on paper (or online).

Since my last blog I have also gone back to work. It was so hard leaving my 3 month old because I am so incredibly attached to him but I know that my job is really important and that without my job we have no benefits or steady income as my husband is self-employed. I have a space in my freezer for frozen breastmilk and we hired a wonderful nanny who is pretty granola. She wears Noah and doesn't let him cry and she grows her own veggies (sweet!). She is also a big supporter of breastfeeding. I also love waking up and having my dishes done and my laundry folded. It really does make my life so much easier. Without her I would be stretched way too thin.

So I'm back! I don't think I have any avid readers but just in case I thought I owed a bit of an explanation.