Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Jawbreakingly crunchy.

Elimination communication is the term for parents who try to read their baby's body language in order to anticipate the need to go to the bathroom. So in other words, mom is carrying baby, baby grunts, mom runs to sink and holds baby over it and makes a hissing noise. Baby pees in sink. No diapers, no mess.

Or so it seems....

As the mother to three children who I nursed, co-slept with, and wore I cannot see why some people feel the need to push the envelope of AP any further. We are already hard working enough as it is, why add to it? Plus, how can you have a life outside of your child if you have to listen for grunts and facial expressions all the time? I can see it now:

(mom and dad having intimate time in bed)

Mom: Was that the baby?

Dad: I don't know, I think that was me.

Mom: I think I heard the pee grunt.

Dad: Are you sure it just wasn't a sleeping grunt?

Mom: Could be an "I'm hungry" grunt.

Dad: Peek in on Junior.

(mom peeks in)

Mom: He's asleep.

(kissing, petting resumes)

Mom: I think I heard another grunt.

Dad: Just ignore it.

Mom: I can't! I have to go get him.

Dad: (frustrated, looking at his man area) Please hurry!

(mom leaves and comes back)

Mom: I think he just has gas. I'll put him in the bed with us just in case he starts crying.

(Dad rolls over, exasperated)

Maybe in some elaborate way this diaperless method can be a good birth control.

If you are someone who does E.C. then I commend you. You have taken on the most time consuming task on earth. I just hope you don't give me dirty looks when I toss my Pampers diaper into the garbage. I like having hot passionate sex with my husband uninterrupted. I like being able to go to the store without looking for a potential toilet for my infant in the frozen foods aisle. I also like my house and my clothing to smell like Downy and Febreeze and not like a dog kennel. Plus, Pamper's Points get you really cool toys when you redeem them. :-)

Too crunchy for my taste. Sorry.