Meet the Nameless Children

I have been writing without using anyone's real name but my own. My mommy instinct tells me that this is a good thing to do for the safety of my offspring. However, I find writing out "my oldest daughter" is a lot more time consuming than just giving them nicknames. So I have decided on the following:

Oldest Daughter (6)- "Nee Nee." This is a shortened version of "Nee Nee Noonie Nunnies," which I called her as a baby for her love of breast feeding. She is in first grade, very smart. She was student of the month in October and told me yesterday after I told her to stop asking me "why?" all the time: "Mom, you told us that smart people ask the most questions." *sigh* She's a super kiddo. She is aka "The Informer" for obvious reasons. I never have to worry about injustice as long as she is around to tattle and bring the judge, jury, and executioner (me) out to referee.

Middle Son (4) - "Bear." He earned this nickname as he was born at 8lbs, 14oz completely natural and unmedicated. He's a sensitive guy...tends to cry over small bumps and bruises lately but he is the first to tell every single sales clerk in Target "I love you." He never has a shortage of hugs and when he gets excited his hands and legs twitch with overstimulated energy. It's funny to watch him flap his hands when he sees something exciting. He is aka "Captain Obvious" as he has a keen knack for repeating you or stating what everyone else is clearly aware of. These statements typically end in the word "huh?" so that we can verify that he is...in fact...correct about his musings.

Baby Son (6 months)- "Midge." Midge is a teeny version of me. In fact, at work we had a contest to guess whose baby picture was whose and because I brought him into work and they saw him everyone guessed mine with ease because he looks just like me as a baby. Because the word "midget" is becoming un-PC I shortened it to "Midge" in hopes that nobody would take offense. He is a 14 pound ball of fire. Active, loud, and he loves the outdoors. In this respect he is my hubby. He's amazing and I can't love him enough. He hasn't yet mastered crawling forward so he looks behind him and aims backwards and goes. He also is starting to realize where his toy box is and he goes over to it and puts his hand over the edge to spill it over, although he has yet to master that yet. His eyes are still brownish-blue and we are pretty sure there is a huge battle of the DNA inside his body trying to decide if we will have a brownie or bluey. I love it when he takes a deep breath and calls out an exuberant "Ehhhhh!" so forceful from his small body that his shoulders lean forward and his back curves. Everyday I am seeing more and more of his personality and he is definitely bigger than his body.

Oldest Kid (31)- I'm having a hard time naming him. So many come to mind: "Cornfed" "Red" "Opie" "Mr. Slave." I've worn out the teasing so I think Ill jut stick to calling him "Stephen." Yes, it's his real name.

I hope this makes reading more enjoyable...or at least less confusing.

I Read...I Write...I Think!

So I haven't actually read for pleasure in awhile. I honestly just don't have the uninterrupted time to crack open a good novel and get lost.

Well I went to Barnes and Noble today and picked up a copy of The Vaccine Book by Robert Sears. I have been trying to find some really good unbiased information about vaccines and I think I have finally done it. It's been getting good reviews so I am looking forward to diving into it.

So it's not exactly "reading for pleasure" but I think it will help me decide what to do with the baby and his shot schedule. I like to sit down and educate myself on the choices I have to make as a parent. From birthing choices to infant feeding to weaning and then onto diapering and circumcision and toilet training to schooling. I have read up on em all. Please don't interpret this as an egotistical "gold medal mom" brag...I just like to research things. I have never been satisfied with an answer until I fully understand the reasonings behind it.

Heck, I even read a ton of stroller reviews today before buying my new Combi stroller at Babies R Us today. It was worth it because I love the one I chose. Yay!!

I'd better speed read it because baby boy is due for his shots on Thursday. :-(

And Speaking of Snickers...

Why the heck didn't anyone tell me about Zagnuts? They are a beautiful marriage of my beloved Butterfinger's crispity buttery center with the crunchy toasted coco nutty-ness of a Chick-O-Stick. OH. MY. GOODNESS. Heaven in a red wrapper!

I also recommend the Toasted Marshmallow Mocha at Starbucks. Since their Christmas flavors are out I have been swinging by for "just one more coffee" every day this week. I have savored a Peppermint and White Chocolate Mocha as well. My mouth had a party that day.

No wonder my baby is so hyped up. Caffeinated breast milk...does a baby good!

Toot Butter Snickers

Of all the funny potty words my kids have created in their short time on this earth the most popular has got to be "toot butter."

They run up to you with a cupped hand and through giggles ask, "Do you want some toot butter?" then laugh hysterically as you pretend to be horrified and grossed out.

As if toot butter wasn't enough potty humor for the week consider what my dear husband did to me the other night:

We were sorting (aka: looting) the kids' Halloween candy after the kids were in bed and I set aside the Snickers bars to put in the fridge. I can't stand Snickers at room temperature but frozen they are yummy. I asked my angel of a husband to put the fun sized Snickers in the freezer on his way to the kitchen. I sat happily sugared next to the arm of the couch as my hubby did what he was asked to do and he returned to the couch to be with me. To my confusion, instead of cuddling next to me again he climbed up on the arm of the couch where I was leaning. He stood up on the arm of the couch with his back towards me. I was still trying to figure out what he was doing when he proudly bared his behind and...oh geez...for lack of a better term..."spread em." Inside "em" was something brown and about 3 inches long and I shrieked and stood up in time so that the brown psuedo-poop only smeared the edge of my skirt when it fell from it's nasty surroundings. That punk laughed so hard I think he almost fell off the arm of the couch. I don't remember much after that except him laughing at me and me repeating over and over: "What the hell is wrong with you?" To men chocolate candy bars are a great poop gag just waiting to happen, but rare is a man who has so little inhibition that he would actually go through the motions of playing that kind of prank on his wife.

I will never be able to look at Snickers the same way again. It's all toot butter to me now.