Crunchy Mom's Soggy Blog

Enfamil: Meeting Parent Demand or Enabling Abuse?

2009-09-03T09:46:00.000-07:00

If you are a mom who likes to keep up on hot topics you have probably seen this new product by Enfamil, one of the world's leading formula companies:

New Enfamil® RestFull™

Specially designed to help babies feel full longer and sleep better.

Give your baby a RestFull Night.

Your baby needs a proper amount of sleep to keep her healthy and happy. That's why we created new Enfamil RestFull, the formula specially designed to naturally encourage a good night's sleep.

•A natural way to help keep your baby feeling satisfied.

•Thickens gently in baby's tummy and digests slowly.

Wait wait wait wait...NATURAL? Nothing about any brand of formula is natural. So let's see what they are really selling, shall we? While it doesn't advertise it's ingredients after some research I found it is formula with rice starch added. Babies' tummies aren't designed to digest non-human milk. I can go on about how your baby will most likely have some distress from this constipating combination or about how it's not optimal nutrition, but this isn't really my main focus here.

Whether you formula or breastfeed you should be appalled at this. Babies need night time parenting. They wake frequently because it's one of their natural defenses against SIDS and they need help adjusting to the world. Infant-mother/father bonding isn't important just during daytime hours, but at night as well. Babies shouldn't be expected to sleep through the night just because they have gloppy formula sitting in their tummies. It's not just ridiculous, it's dangerous.

But let's take it a step further...what really brought on this demand for a substance that promises us easier babies?

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the average American mother.

This mom watches tv and so she has an idea in her head about what her house should look like, even though she is watching a set and not an actual home she sees the shiny new appliances, the granite countertops and the hardwood floors all sparkling clean with a baby crawling across the floor in a diaper and she looks at her house and thinks "My house is a pigsty! I need to have a nicer, cleaner home." So she does more housework and thinks about upgrading her kitchen, which will cost more money.

The average American mother is expected to go back to work when her baby is no more than 8 weeks old. At this point she still isn't getting good sleep and she has barely healed from her birth. But she tearfully takes her baby to childcare and leaves him or her for 8-10 hours a day so she can bring home the bacon.

Most average American moms are born into a generation where their moms worked while they grew up and the new grandmas are still working so the average American mom has no support from her mom during this time.

The average American mom still does the majority of the shopping, cooking, cleaning. That's not to say that the average American dad isn't involved, most are more involved than their fathers were. But overall it seems that most moms run the house, contribute financially and do the majority of childcare. With a brand new baby, hormonal shifts, and possibly other children to care for she is easily plagued with feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and even depression. She compares herself to other moms and wonders how they do it. She resents people who have the support she needs or whose babies sleep through the night.

Night time comes and she is exhausted but her baby hasn't seen her all day and he or she has plans to nurse all night long to make up for the bonding time they missed during the day. So with about four hours of sleep total under her belt the new mom finds that 6:30am is here way before she is ready.

So instead of the average American woman demanding that less be demanded of her, she demands that her baby be less demanding. Enfamil answers the call with the promise of more sleep and the baby is left with glue in his or her tummy so that mom can get some sleep before she goes on a maniacal rampage from sleep deprivation and her husband runs for the hills.

Why is it so hard for people to understand that new moms need mothered, too? Products like this wouldn't hit the shelves if America just figured this out. Other cultures pamper their new mommies and some government programs even offer a free baby nurse while their mommies recover. In other countries working moms are given a year of paid leave from work. It is awful to see how moms are treated in this country. If you don't believe me try dealing with a boss who acts like you having a baby is a personal attack on them or who refuse to make finding a place to use a breastpump easy, even though they are required to by law. Try asking for longer than 6-8 weeks off of work. I can't tell you how many moms I know have been laid off while on maternity leave or FMLA.

Our babies deserve better than this formula, but our moms also deserve better treatment. They are raising our future presidents, CEOs, doctors, politicians, clergy, and other important leaders who will control our world when we are no longer able to. How we treat our moms will reflect how they treat their children. How we treat our children will reflect on our future. It's as simple as that.

That being said, I hope this product is pulled of the shelves immediately.

Muffin Tops Are The Best Part Of The Muffin

2009-08-13T19:08:00.000-07:00

Being a gravida 4 (medical terminology for pregnant with my 4th baby) I am already experiencing the muffin top-type baby belly that just looks like I had too many Krispy Kreme doughnuts. At a mere 8 weeks I am enjoying the comfort of maternity clothes, which I am sure by the end of this pregnancy I will be sick to death of wearing. Maternity clothes are funny that way. You are sick of them by the time you are done with them but when it comes time to re-open that box you embrace their stretchy goodness and their ample room around your waist.

So here I am at 8 weeks:

I know soon I will be subjected to public questioning starting with the normal "When are you due?" and moving on to "Do you know what you are having?" and concluding with "Is this your first?" I may actually make myself a shirt that says "Spring, It's a surprise, 4th." I may put on the back "Yes we know what causes it, and we LIKE IT!" for good measure.

Here's to my uterus and it's miraculous ability to grow people...you are the most facinating organ I have ever known. Cheers, girlfriend!

Our Little Planned Surprise

2009-08-11T17:32:00.000-07:00

Stephen and I debated trying for another baby for awhile. It just didn't seem like the right time or one of us was not ready or we weren't sure if it was the best thing to do. After all, a family of 6 is pretty large these days. So about 3 weeks after we officially "tried" here I was in the bathroom one hot July morning:

Needless to say we were happy and surpised. I folded up a little ducky pajama with the pregnancy test on it and gave it to Stephen as a gift. His response was "Are you serious?" Yeah, dude...totally!!

The kids were thrilled after a short scavenger hunt lead them to the clues that let them know they would soon be big siblings (again):

So that's what's new with me. I am due March 24th and I am planning a homebirth with a midwife. We don't plan on finding out the sex so it will be a surprise when the baby is born. Such an exciting time!

Long Time Gone

2009-06-03T13:34:00.000-07:00

My blogging hobby was put on the back burner recently to work on some things at home, mainly the kiddos and the house that was needing some major attention. I love blogging but Midge is at an age where he is incredibly active and my blogging "mojo" is interrupted quite often. So today we are having an unexpected thunderstorm and I am trying to have a relaxing day because not only is the weather lazy but Midge is on a sleeping strike and refuses to nap and is up off and on during the night. To boot I am on call for 3 births in the next two weeks. I didn't plan it that way, but one of my moms is far past her due date and the other two are looking like they may go early. Thank God for back up doulas!

Happy Wednesday!

Just Call Me Wendy, CD(DONA)!

2009-04-14T16:24:00.000-07:00

It's official...I am a certified birth doula through DONA International! Woo-hoo!

That's it...just wanted to share the news.

School Fundraisers Stink!

2009-04-14T12:42:00.000-07:00

I love my kids' school. I think the teachers are wonderful. I do my best to volunteer my time and efforts to help the school as much as I can. However there is one beef I have about public schools...fundraiser packets.

Usually the fundraiser is presented to the children in an assembly to pump them up to sell things. Of course they show the kids that they can win a radio, money, or obscure things like a disco ball or pens that double as compasses if they sell X amount of items. The kids get excited and bring the packet home to me and ask me to help them sell 42 items so they can get a plastic disco ball light up thingie that looks like it was intended for a preschool rave. I try to explain that to sell 42 items is a hard thing to do because people don't always need the things that are being sold and all of their friends have parents who are trying to sell the same stuff so the market for their product is pretty saturated. It's not that I am trying to be discouraging, but I hate to see them get frustrated because the assembly pepped them up for a goal that isn't really reasonable in the first place. So I buy something I don't really want or need to make them feel better and let them call their grandma with a sales pitch. The neighbor lady buys some candy and that is about all we get. They earn a plastic bracelet and feel jealous that Tommy's dad was able to take his catalog to work and sell over 100 items so Tommy gets awarded with a radio in front of the whole school, setting the other kids up for a heaping dose of jealousy and resentment towards me for not being more proactive in selling the random stuff nobody really needs.

While I am on the rant, have you ever tried to explain to a six year old who doesn't seem to live in the same reality as you do that having 42 items doesn't mean you count the number of cars or that you have to sell 42 of your own toys or that you just own 42 items and therefore you get a prize? It is enough to make you want to hit the bar before noon. I tried to explain to him that he has to sell 42 items out of the catalog because he replies "I did!" and I keep trying to tell him he didn't and he insists that he did. I try about 8 different ways to explain it and he is still walking around talking about the disco ball he will earn. I give up and pray he forgets about the stupid ball.

I wish that fundraisers sold things people need, not keychains or cookie dough (don't even get me started on the "Healthy Kids Cookbook" that featured fruit on top of a frosted sugar cookie). Maybe I'd get excited if they sold natural items that I would actually use. Reusable gift wrap anyone??

It Was Legendary

2009-04-09T08:54:00.000-07:00

**Warning: Graphic description of puke mess...not for weak stomachs.**

Once again the stomach flu found it's way into our house. It started with Midge and hit me and then went to Bear. Last night we were dying eggs with the dye from boiled fruits, veggies, and spices. After we were done Bear went to the couch and watched tv. He seemed happy but said his tummy hurt. While I was cleaning up the dye mess he went to the bathroom and came out and told me he had thrown up. He was so matter of fact and relaxed about it that I didn't think he was telling the truth. As I went towards the bathroom he told me "I thought I was done so I closed the lid and I threw up on top of the toilet." When I walked into the bathroom I saw the most heinous of all vomit messes I had ever seen so I walked right back out, grabbing Bear's toothbrush on the way out, and shut the door. I handed Bear his toothbrush and instructed him to brush his teeth in my bathroom. With my sleeve over my nose I assessed the damage and decided I needed a plan. Stephen walked in and asked why the house stunk like BO. I showed him the bathroom and he looked dumbfounded. "Really? On top of the lid?" he marveled.

Part of being a mom is not making a huge deal over things like puke and potty accidents but this legendary mess was going to take some dramatic measures. I brought 10 towels, paper towels, cleaner, Lysol, a laundry basket lined with a trash bag and put on gloves and tied two towels over my nose and mouth. I'm sure I was rebreathing a bunch of CO2 but I didn't care.

It was everywhere...on top of the toilet, on the seat, in the toilet spattered from end to end of the bowl, down the sides of the toilet bowl, on the toilet brush, on the step stool, on the shower curtain, on the toilet plunger, in the trash can, on the side of the trash can, pooled behind the toilet, on the throw rug, in front of the toilet, on the side of the tub, on the side of the cabinets, and splashed up on the walls and plumbing behind the toilet. Truly a legendary puke. It took me about 20 minutes to clean and sterilize. And I made it through without a single gag. Yay mommy!

After things were back together I put my sickie to bed. I knew I could lecture him about the proper way to puke into the toilet but instead I gave my big boy lots of love and told him I hoped he felt better soon. As I tucked him in I thought about all the things I've done over the years for my kids that are gross, heartbreaking, painful, or that required a great sacrifice on my part. I find that I don't regret or resent any of my choices or my children for the things I do for them by necessity or by my own free will. I love my babies more than I can put into words and I would gladly clean up a thousand puke messes if it meant I could still be there to tuck them in at night.

Captain Crunchy vs The Junk Food Kid

2009-03-31T09:27:00.000-07:00

The crunchier I have become the more I find that I have had to learn tactful and delicate responses to people who don't live as I do. I don't think of myself as a judgemental or critical person, but there are many times that I have to think before I speak when respond to the comments or actions of others.

This last month has been especially hard. Stephen and I took Midge to Iowa to visit family and I found myself smack dab in the land of processed foods. The first thing I learned was that the term "juice" didn't mean 100% organic juice but Kool-aid. What I call "soda" was "pop" to everyone else and it flowed freely not only to the adults but the children. So immediately I thought "Okay, I need to pick my battles but I also need to figure out how to communicate my feelings on junk food." So I allowed my son to have a sugary artifically colored nutritionally void drink and McDonalds chicken nuggets and fries. In conversation I mentioned that I try to keep a healthy diet at home but on vacation I would let things slide a bit. It was a vague hint but one I hoped would be picked up on. Fortunately our hostess filled the fridge with raw veggies and strawberries and I was sure to make a fuss over them. It was tough because we were staying with the sweetest, most gracious relatives and I didn't want to seem snooty, yet their definition of "the good stuff" was my very definition of "the bad stuff." So to be funny I made a joke or two about needing my "rabbit food" and even teased "I don't know how you all poop!" when I noticed their meals had no vegetables or fruits. I helped with dinners and clean up to show my appreciation but inside there was a loud voice that screamed "That drink has HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP and RED DYE 40!!" When a family member snuck Midge a sippy cup full of soda pop I gave my husband a look that said "DO SOMETHING!" He let him have a few sips and then switched cups out to one with diluted apple juice. And I noticed a huge change in Midge. He went from calm and sweet to grumpy and he was always asking for more junk food. He was more agressive and I could see him riding sugar highs and falling deep into sugar lows. By the end of the trip he was falling apart. Once we got him home and on healthy foods he went back to being his normal self.

I just hope to get the family out this way sometime. It may be a bit of a culture shock, but I guarantee you they will be pooping a whole lot more on a nutritionally dense diet! ;)

It's My Favorite Time Of Year

2009-03-17T16:57:00.000-07:00

It's like a sweet surprise every spring. The orange groves around my house start popping out orange blossoms and their intoxicating perfume fills the air. I look forward to the tiny white flowers every year. As a kid I grew up surrounded by orange groves and the smell of orange blossoms fills my childhood memories. I recall one day lying on my bed writing a love letter (back before email). It was my senior year of high school and things were perfect in my life. It was a beautiful 80 degrees outside and the sun was beginning to set. My windows were open and the sprinklers were on outside. A cool breeze over me and it was filled with the perfume of sweet orange blossoms. It was the best feeling.

Now I try to bring them inside with me whenever I see them. They never last long but I put them in my hair so I can smell them all day. One night before my husband and I were married I pulled back my covers to find he had picked a bunch of orange blossoms and scattered them in my sheets. I slept so well that night.

They are more than a flower to me...they return me memories and provide reassurance that I am home. I will never grow tired of taking time to smell my favorite flower, even if it's only for a month or two out of the year.

Uter-us! Not Uter-you!

2009-03-15T16:52:00.000-07:00

With the recent negative media surrounding "Octomom" and her decision to have a large family without the means to support them I feel the need to speak up for the moms who have decided to have more than the standard two and a half children who actually take the time to love and support them so they grow up to be well-adjusted adults.

I have three children, so already I have heard my fair share of negative attitudes regarding my procreation plans, especially since my first two were a girl and a boy and there is an unwritten law about stopping once you get one of each. While I don't necessarily feel the need to justify my choices I feel the need to let the general public know that just because someone has a full minivan doesn't give anyone the right to vomit opinions on the soccer mom inside.

Believe it or not, there are families out there who have more than two children who actually do quite well. They are self-supporting and their children are well behaved with few exceptions. They aren't careless abour their birth control nor do they feel the need to draw their self esteem from their children. While their children might not have the most expensive clothing or have to share rooms or sacrifice some things for their siblings and that is teaching them to live for people other than themselves. The older ones may help the younger ones but it's part of living in a community of people. Most parents understand that whether you have two or ten children that your love is never limited and you will have enough love to go around. Motherly love is truly something designed to be infinite.

I have often considered having "just one more" to finish my brood. I have already heard my fair share of negativity when I have shared this feeling with others and I am honestly already done with it. I work hard to make sure my children feel loved, happy, and that they are well-adjusted. When we go out in public we get compliments on their behavior all the time. All three children excel in one area or another and all three love each other to pieces. My husband and I have worked hard to build up a business that can support a larger family and our finances are not anyone else's concerns but ours.

What I chose to do with my uterus isn't anyone's business but mine. I know I speak for other moms like me when I say that people who decide that their opinion needs to be spewed all over the front of my mom jeans are in for an unpleasant comeback. I'm a fantastic mother and my children love me to death. If I feel I can handle having a fourth child then I can. If that's not for you...great! My reproductive rights are my own and I will exercise them responsibly. If you don't like it bite your tongue and swallow your opinion down hard. It will taste a little bitter but in the long run it will be better for your health, trust me!

Our Bear

2009-03-12T18:52:00.000-07:00

Today was a big day for us. Bear has been exhibiting odd behaviors such as hand flapping and stimming and some problems with his motor skills. His hand flapping happens when he is excited or learning something new and often is accompanied by him rocking his body, flapping his knees and sometimes making a humming noise. From a distance it appears he is autistic but he doesn't have the main indicators of autism, which is good but frustrating because figuring out how to help, understand, and convey his differences to others is difficult. He also struggles with opening containers and food packing, such as string cheese and he has a hard time sometimes getting buckled in the car, shutting the mini-van door, and figuring out his jacket. On the flip side he is brilliant beyond belief. He is reading above his grade level and can write well and his math skills are far beyond average. He's also very affectionate and loving with everyone he meets, which makes him all the more lovable.

So today we were given a handout on complex motor stereotypies, which is what the neurologist feels he has. This diagnosis sometimes accompanies ADHD, OCD, or learning disabilities, but Bear seems to have none of these issues. We were also told that Bear has ataxia, which means in layman's terms he is clinically clumsy. We were advised to work on his motor skills at home and he didn't recommend any therapies at this time.

So now that I have some answers I feel I can move forward and help him a bit. I am so thankful that it's something that can be helped and something that he will eventually be able to leave behind him.

On a side note, you should have seen the look on the resident's face when I told him Bear breastfed for two years. He looked shocked and repeated "He was breastfed for two years?" "Two and a half," I stated proudly and matter of factly. The guy seemed like he didn't know what to say. I guess he's never run into a crunchy mom such as myself before!

A Gift Given, A Milestone Reached

2009-03-10T14:23:00.000-07:00

For her 8th birthday Nee-Nee wanted to cut her hair and donate it to Locks of Love so that a child experiencing hair loss could have a hairpiece made from real hair. She cut off ten inches and boy does she look grown up!

Before:

After:

We went to Disneyland for her birthday and the day after we went to a cosmetologist to get her ears pierced. She was really brave and excited about adding some bling to her ears.

My big girl showing off her new haircut and earrings:

In true party-animal fashion we had one more celebration with family and ate cupcakes. She was able to show off her beautiful earrings and her new haircut. It's the first thing she showed to everyone when they walked in the door.

I am so proud of my big girl. I can't believe how she's grown!

Newborn Nee-Nee at 4 days old:

My eight year old girl:

Two Beautiful Natural Births In One Week

2009-03-05T11:05:00.000-08:00

I was honored to be the doula for two amazing women who gave birth to their baby girls this week. Both wanted natural birth and both achieved their goals.

As a business woman I do my best to behave in a professional manner when going to interviews and doing visits. When at a birth tend to put my professional face on the backburner and become the wise woman, the mother, the sister, the friend. I don't hesitate to brush her hair out of her face, press my face against her sweaty cheek to whisper words of encouragement, or remind her of her inner strength. It's the most natural thing to want to meet her needs.

I absolutely love being a doula. It's an honor and a blessing to be part of the birth process. I can't wait for the next miracle to arrive.

Dear Pediatrician's Office

2009-02-19T14:09:00.000-08:00

After being up a large portion of last night with a child who was fussy and hot I set my alarm to call you right at 8am so that I could bring him in for a check. I waited about 15 minutes before I was able to schedule with you and since my regular pediatrician, who is reliable and attentive, was not in the office today I agreed to see someone else.

I arrived on time and checked in. I paid my co-pay and had a seat. Fortunately my son was well behaved for about twenty minutes. Then he started trying to pull me towards the door. I am sure you understand that 22 month olds have a limited understanding of time and nearly no explanation will ever be adequate to break a tantrum should one start. So I divert, entertain, and play some more until our name is called. After checking his temperature and weight we are closed into a small room with no doors, no windows, and no cell phone signal. The nurse assures us that the doctor will be in "in just a minute." Ten minutes pass, then fifteen, then twenty. To entertain him I look in his ears, eyes, nose, and mouth with your otoscope. I feel a little guilty since I am not exactly qualified to use them but I also know that I see a touch of redness in the corners of both eardrums. His throat is fine. This game gets old so he crumples up the paper on the table. He spills his cup on your floor and I clean it. He opens the cabinets under the sink and crawls under. He tries to dig in the trash can. Now thirty minutes have passed. He is getting antsy and so I nurse him and start to worry about my clients. I get paid to be a labor support professional and right now my client who paid money for my services could be trying to reach me. I have no cell signal here in the office so I have no way of knowing if she is beginning to panic because I am not answering my phone. I hear your nurses outside gabbing about the latest new on the in-vitro octuplet mom. She goes on and on for about ten minutes on what she thinks should be done with the babies. I realize that it is just office chatter but couldn't she take those ten minutes and find out why I am still waiting to be seen by a doctor? She must realize that we have been waiting a very long time!

After forty minutes toddler and I are back on the exam table wrestling around. Then he wants me to look in his ears again. I oblige and feel no guilt at all. I figure that if you expect us to be in a tiny room for this length of time we will be playing with your stuff out of either boredom or desperation. Forty-five minutes pass and I am starting to grow weary and so is my toddler. He has now been cooped up for an unreasonable amount of time with very little to do. He keeps pointing at the door so I open it and walk him down the hall for a lollipop. I make eye contact with the nurses to make sure they know I am still in the room.

The lollipop occupies him for another five minutes as he salivates yellow all down the front of his shirt and onto the floor. At this point I no longer care about the floor. I seriously consider leaving.

At fifty minutes he is losing it. It's nap time and he is tired. He swings at me and I try to divert him but he is a puddle of toddler angst on the floor. He is done with being in this room. After waiting in that tiny room for over an hour I walk out and ask the nurse if she knows when we will be seen. I have many things to do today. I had to take time off work to be here. I have already screwed up my child's routine. I have already seen the tantrum train rolling down the track at an unstoppable speed. She assures me that the doctor will be right in.

Within five more minutes the doctor rushes in. I can see she is stressed. She checks my son's ears and he is less than co-operative for her. She declares he has the start of an infection and gives me a prescription to hold on to until I am certain he is not improving and sends me out the door. Although she is nice she offers no apology for my time lost sitting waiting for her.

In your parking lot my little one loses it. He is hysterically crying because he is too overtired, hungry, and frustrated to cope. I fight him into his seat and he bawls the entire ride home until the last two minutes when he drifts off. When I arrive home I attempt to put him down but he refuses. Now, almost two hours later he still won't nap because his schedule is so off. He is in his crib right now bawling because he can't settle down and I can't help him. If I had put him down when he was first tired after about 45 minutes of waiting in your office then he would be a different kid right now. Instead, I have to deal with this mess of a toddler. I'm sure you have forgotten about me by now but I haven't forgotten how long I waited in your office today because I have to listen to the results of it melting down twenty feet away from me. You are worried about billing and charting but I am thinking about how having him this off his sleep schedule is going to make my next few days a nightmare.

While I realize I am just a number to you and what I say will probably fall on deaf ears I still write in hopes that you will start considering the impact of your inefficiency and lack of planning on the families who rely on you to help them.

Sincerely
~W

Moms Like Me

2009-02-14T17:37:00.000-08:00

Moms like me are a special breed. They create groups on Facebook called "My Stomach Looks Like Balls" because they have come to terms with the fact that they will never have washboard abs again. Moms like me have finally given up the competitive streak and band together to give each other unwavering support. Moms like me feel sexier in their thirties than we ever did in our twenties. Moms like me read labels and shop around for good prices. Moms like me have come to terms with the fact that toddlers melt down in public. Moms like me look at mini-vans and think "That would make my life much easier." Moms like me wish they could be more involved in the PTA. Moms like me stay up late washing clothes and fixing organic lunches complete with a note from mom. Moms like me enjoy intimacy. Moms like me hate violence. Moms like me need an occasional adult beverage. Moms like me blog because it's the best outlet for our feelings. :)

Why Chucky's World Is Not A Good Idea

2009-02-11T15:04:00.000-08:00

In light of a recent Chuck-E-Cheese commercial my brilliant Nee-Nee decided to say her peace about why living in a world that is soley contained within a Chuck-E-Cheese franchise is a bad idea. She is definately her mother's daughter:

High Fructose Corn Syrup...The New Big Tobacco?

2009-01-30T13:08:00.000-08:00

If you watch prime time television you may have caught one of these precious light hearted commercials:

Aww, it's not so bad, right? I mean, those HFCS naysayers are just uninformed, right? And their ignorance is so extreme that they can't even think of one piece of information to defend their position when put on the spot.

Some people may not even be aware that they eat HFCS on a daily basis because not every food it is hiding in is sweet. For instance, ketchup, spaghetti sauces, even bread can contain the chemical directly linked to obesity and diabetes. Yet, so many Americans don't bother to read their food labels. They assume that if it is sold on a grocery store shelf it can't be toxic. The FDA wouldn't allow that, right? After all, my food is labeled "natural." Amazingly, the FDA has actually approved HFCS as a natural sweetener. So your natural bread may be sweetened with the very thing you seek to avoid.

So in moderation HFCS is okay, right? I mean, it's the same as sugar according to the commercials.

Think again.

Apparantly the FDA has known that there has been mercury found in HFCS since 2005. Have they taken steps to stop it? Of course not. Forget the fact that mercury in any amount is considered toxic. Why would they readily admit that we have been consuming poison right off the grocery shelves? It's alarming to say the least.

And what about our children? With the dramatic rise in childhood obesity, juvenile diabetes, autism, ADHD and other diseases why aren't we as parents doing more to bring attention to our children's health? Instead of accepting that it is out of our hands we need to start looking at what is going into our children from birth on. Anything from pain medication during labor to the stressful affects circumcision has on a newborn brain to what we place in their lunches and what is in every single vaccine that the doctor might recommend. What we consider progress may have a price, and I think our children pay the price when we assume the ones we trust won't ever be false. It's time we advocate for our children because as long as big money talks nobody else is going to.

Promoting Childbirth Choices

2009-01-27T13:29:00.000-08:00

I was recently interviewed by Manic Mommy at bettyconfidential.com about being a birth doula. It was a really enjoyable interview and I thought the questions were a perfect platform for promoting childbirth choices without being too obvious or pushy. :) In an ideal world pregnant women would be able to birth where ever and with whoever they chose and not be bound by insurance companies or laws catered to doctors and hospitals. My intention is to open women's birth options by promoting doulas.

Enjoy the interview!

Euphoria

2009-01-23T16:49:00.000-08:00

My dear friend "K" just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy this morning. Her last birth ended up a c-section and she was going to try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) with this birth.

Now K and I are totally different people. In high school she and I would bicker a lot. It was more in fun than anything but we loved each other and continued our friendship into adulthood. When I told her I was becomming a doula she was very supportive and told me that was the perfect job for me. When she told me she was going for a VBAC I gave her my full support and told her if she wanted me during her labor for any reason to call.

Well this afternoon I got this wonderful message on my phone announcing the birth of her little boy at 6:42am. Then she said something that made me tear up, "I DID IT! I DID IT! I pushed him out! Just thought you might be proud of me." Then she giggled in a way I had never heard her giggle. The sound of her voice, the tone, the joy, took me back immediately to the moments after my children were born. It's an amazing high, one I don't know how to compare. What made it even more meaningful was that K and I, who disagree on most issues, now have a common ground where we can share, appreciate, and enjoy each other's triumphs.

I am so proud of her. I know what she has achieved and I think it's the most miraculous, powerful and beautiful moments she can experience. I can't wait to hear the details. Congratulations K on your triumphant VBAC and welcome baby "O!"

Mom Accessories

2009-01-22T08:39:00.000-08:00

Midge has either been puking, having diarrhea, coughing, feverish, snotty or a combination of all this last week and a half. It's been the saddest thing watching him cry in misery everytime his tummy hurt or he couldn't stop coughing. Of course he only wants to be held most of the day and that means I get new accessories for my mommy clothes. Most of the time it's snot trails on my shirt. A few nights ago he puked down my back. While putting pukey blankets in the wash a spot smeared across my shirt. A week ago I had the lovely experience of missing a spot on my hand after I had changed a very messy diaper and went to rub lipstick off my lips with my bare hand. Yeah...that one probably topped all of my gross mommy moments.

The funny thing about being a mom though is that you really don't care. When your baby just wants to lay his or her head on your shoulder you don't care if there is snot hanging from their nose or if they have potential to blow chunks at any given moment. It's all about them and making sure they feel loved and secure even if you can't fix what is hurting them. There is nothing more heartbreaking to a mom than seeing their baby miserable.

Now I am not saying that having a sick kid is all cuddles and nurturing bliss. I have not slept well in over a week and my fridge is bare. I am tempted to run to Trader Joe's for the basics but I am sure that others will give me dirty looks when they see Midge coughing pathetically on the organic apples. I miss Jazzercise, which I have not done since early last week. But these complaints are a blip in my lifestyle, and I am trying to enjoy a break from the normal fast paced life I lead. Let's hope the illness comes to and end soon!

My Beautiful Life

2009-01-19T20:55:00.001-08:00

Every January 15th I get another year older. This year my husband and I celebrated at a local restaurant that buys and prepares only locally grown food. It was a wonderful meal complete with wine and dessert. After that we met some friends for some drinks at a martini bar. It was a lot of fun.

I think about what I have done in my life and where I am going. My husband is a very hardworking loving man who is also a great dad and good leader. My kids are the most amazing childern I could have ever asked for. They are so full of love and so smart. I know they will all go far in life. My career path is exciting and I am so blessed to be surrounded with a strong loving church family. My friends are my rocks and they uplift me when I really need it. I am so lucky, so happy, so blessed.

Bear's 6th Birthday

2009-01-10T17:23:00.000-08:00

Bear celebrated his 6th birthday today at a local pizza joint complete with an arcade and topped off with a Wii cake. He had an amazing time. Thank you to everyone who made it (and who couldn't but were there in spirit). Bear's favorite part of his special day was when he blew out his candles so he could officially be six. Enjoy the pictures!

The Wii cake, complete with remote:

Bear with his cake:

Blowing out the candles:

Midge enjoying his slice of Wii:

Nee-Nee (left) with her pals:

My Cheating Heart

2009-01-07T19:59:00.000-08:00

It's time that this come to light, I am leaving my pediatrician.

It's not that I don't love her, but I just think we have grown apart. Where once I felt close to her, now I find it hard to get an appointment. Especially on the same day.

A few months ago in walked tall dark and handsome. I found out about his wholistic pediatric clinic and I was intrigued but I wasn't about to leave my relationship for another just yet. I emailed him a couple of times and he wrote me back! I asked him his views on vaccines and circumcision and he wrote me back and told me everything I wanted to hear. My heart pounded with excitement. I knew he wasn't able to accept my insurance and I would have to change plans to change peds. Feeling like it was fate to stay with my current pediatrician I let the issue drop like a hot potato.

Not a month later my son's insurance plan was having open enrollment. I eyed the packet, feeling the guilt in me rise. I told myself that if it was too expensive or too complicated to switch I would stay faithful to my current ped. The form lured me in with it's simplicity and the cost was the same. I filled it out and with a heavy heart mailed it back, knowing I'd crossed the line. I rationalized that I could still stay with my old pediatrician if I wanted to, but I was giving myself options.

Today I finally got the courage to call. I set up an appointment for Midge's well check. Within a couple of hours tall, dark, and wholistic called me to welcome me to his practice and see if there was any questions he could answer for me. I was more than smitten at this point. I was giddy! I wanted to brag to my friends that my pediatrician called my house! After talking to him for a few minutes I knew in my heart I had made the right choice.

I have officially moved on. It's time to start something new. He's everything I have wanted in a pediatrician. No more worrying about being pressured to do something that I don't feel comfortable with. No more funny looks when I bring up homeopathic remedies or alternative treatments. I see this relationship as being long term.

Another Jazzercise Update

2009-01-06T12:41:00.000-08:00

It's been so long since I've done an update that I had to go back and find my previous blogs here and here.

In the picture to your left you will see my instructor, Jackie. Not only is she a specimen of health and fitness, but she is really funny and goofy. Over the past 4 months I have really learned to appreciate the relationships I have formed over at Jazzercise. Nobody is there to make you feel inadequate. Everyone wants everyone else to succeed.

I have dropped 2 pants sizes in 4 months. While that might not seem like much compared to the fad diets it is a healthy weight loss that has stuck. My body is shaping up really nicely. Stephen tells me he checks me out all the time and I know he is really liking what he sees.

Overall I feel better and look better. I have lost 5 pounds and 2 dress sizes. I actually have a butt rather than a butt that runs right into my thighs. My stomach is more defined and you can see a little more definition in my arms.

So for anyone considering Jazzercise I give it a huge thumbs up!

Orgasmic Birth on 20/20

2009-01-05T08:40:00.000-08:00

This was a great segement to introduce the idea of orgasmic birth to the mainstream. I felt like 20/20 did a great job with this segment (not so much the others).

To learn more about Orgasmic Birth you can view the movie, Orgasmic Birth. Here is the trailer:

You can also read Ina May's Guide To Childbirth, which contains information about orgasmic birth.

Way to go 20/20!

Dig

2008-12-31T16:15:00.000-08:00

Incubus' song "Dig" is one of my favorite. When my husband and I met we were both dealing with many issues from the past. Sometimes it felt as if the whole world was against me but no matter what I was going through he was there. In much the same manner I became his home, a place where it was okay to be himself and receive unconditional love.

After we were married things were great. Then the external stressors once again came back down on us harder than ever. We were now living on a single income and the single income was coming from self-employment in a failing economy. We also had a new baby. Our love for each other never changed but certainly the hardships drained us. Before long we were both cranky and tired.

Now when we are tired, stressed, or even angry I can put on "Dig" and know that we are both imperfect people who love each other very much and we need to continue to be best friends regardless of what is happening in our lives. It's a reminder of our promises and our need to be rescued from time to time. Here are the lyrics to "Dig:"

We all have a weakness,

but some of ours are easy to identify,

look me in the eye,

and ask for forgiveness,

we'll make a pact to never speak that word again,

yes, you are my friend.

We all have something that digs at us,

at least we dig each other.

So when weakness turns my ego up

I know you'll count on the me from yesterday.

If I turn into another

dig me up from under what is covering

the better part of me.

Sing this song

remind me that we'll always have each other

when everything else is gone.

We all have a sickness that cleverly attaches and multiplies

no matter how we try.

We all have someone that digs at us,

at least we dig each other.

So when sickness turns my ego up

I know you'll act as a clever medicine.

If I turn into another,

dig me up from under what is covering

The better part of me.

Sing this song!

Remind me that we'll always have each other

when everything else is gone.

Oh, each other when everything else is gone.

Our Christmas Blessing!

2008-12-25T17:39:00.000-08:00

This Christmas was very special to our family.

We started it off by going to my mom's house for a Christmas feast. I really appreciate that my family has been considerate of the vegetarians in the family and specially prepared each dish (with the exception of the meat dishes) without chicken broth or gelatin. So the bacon was left off the broccoli salad and the potato dishes were made with vegetable broth. It was great!

Before we started opening gifts Bear came up to me wiggling his loose tooth. I could see it was about ready to come out but he wasn't going to make it happen on his own. I offered to pull it out for him and he agreed to let me. I took some floss and looped it around his tooth. Nervously, I yanked down firmly knowing that if I failed to extract the tooth with the first pull any other attempts would be refused. Luckily the tooth came right out with the first tug, looking a bit like a white lassoed marshmallow. Bear was thrilled and proudly showed off the new window in his smile.

Ever try to get six children to sit for a picture? Well...

Five out of six ain't bad. Right to left: Bear, Midge, Jules, Nay, Boo, and Nee-Nee.
Then it was time to open presents and all heck usually breaks loose as the gift wrap goes flying and the kids get amped up on new toys.

Midge didn't know what to do with the wrapping paper so Stephen helped him.

On the way home Nee-Nee and I had a talk about Jesus and the meaning of Christmas. She told me that she was ready to accept Jesus into her heart. For those won't aren't familiar with Christianity, this is a major step in our faith affirming that we believe we have salvation through Jesus and his death. So last night she prayed for Jesus to come into her heart and be her savior. Bear also prayed, but I don't know if he fully understands it yet.

It was truly the best Christmas ever!

Happy Birthday Jesus....errr....Stephen

2008-12-25T17:25:00.000-08:00

My husband's birthday falls on December 23rd and is often overshadowed by Christmas. Luckily he has a sense of humor and has always told people of the story of his birthday cake's inscription saying "Happy Birthday Jesus & Stephen." Now this story has always been joke...until this year when I got him the fabled cake:

His reaction when I placed the cake in front of him was priceless. He was really amused:

We had planned to go to a local pizza shop that ended up being closed the week of Christmas so we invited our friends and family to our place for pizza, cake, and a game of Texas Hold 'Em. It was a great night. I bought my hubby Nutty Bars, Mac and Cheese, and Nutter Butters for his special day. The junk food he has to miss out on all year because I don't buy it is a special treat on his birthday. He said that food made him feel right at home, which is good for an Iowa boy who is now stuck in California. Happy 33rd Birthday Baby!

Where's Your Black Vortex?

2008-12-15T12:23:00.000-08:00

During the winter months I never travel without my trusty lip balm within my reach. This year I bought the Earth Mama, Angel Baby brand, which is organic and works well with my crunchy lifestyle. :-) I used it liberally on myself and the kids until one day I went to get it out of the side pocket of my purse and it was gone. I was upset but went ahead and purchased another one. Within two days I had also lost that one. I searched my entire purse including the pocket I normally kept it in, the car, and the diaper bag. Now I was peeved! I bought yet another one and put it in the same outside pocket. Within a week it was also gone. It was only then that it occured to me to check the side pocket for holes that might lead to a space between the purse and the pocket...like a little purse vortex. Sure enough I squeezed two fingers through a tiny hole in the side pocket and pulled out three Mint Herbal Lip Balms! I was a bit embarassed to think I was putting the lip balm in the same pocket the third time even when I knew that the first two times the lip balm had disappeared when I stored it there.

That really got me to thinking about the things we do over and over and even after getting undesirable results still continue to do. I can list many times over the years of life lessons where it took me making the same mistake over and over to learn a valuable lesson. At think sometimes it's because we have always done something a certain way and don't really consider changing it because it's our "norm." Other times I think it's because we are too busy to realize that there is a problem that can be fixed. For me the problem tends to exist when I have expectations of something or someone other than myself that don't get met. In this case, I expected that the purse would not have a hole because it was fairly new. That expectation cost me about $8.

So today's reflection is not a critique or a criticism, but rather an encouragement towards self-reflection. It could be that you struggle with being late, financially strapped, yelling at your kids, or your weight. Perhaps you feel like others are letting you down. Rather than getting upset, take charge of your issues. Set up boundaries, take charge, and find solutions. Change your habits or simply the way you word things. Ask yourself if you are causing your own issues. Seek advice from others who have been there.

Most importantly, remember that attitude is everything. Accept that you can't change everything and you shouldn't try to change anybody, but you can change how people and situations affect you.

Have a wonderful week!

Barefoot Writing

2008-12-02T18:32:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note to let everyone know that I was recently asked to be one of the co-leaders for the Barefoot Mamas Network. I will be doing the writing for the blog and helping run things when the founders are too busy. I am very excited and I feel like this is going to be a great opportunity for me.

Recently I was also asked to write for a website called BettyConfidential.com. I have been published twice already and I plan on doing more once time permits.

Read my articles here and here.

Happy Reading!

Think Of Me

2008-12-01T08:09:00.000-08:00

Last night I took a sleepy Midge to his crib and prepared to have to coax him into sleeping. He gave me a snuggle then looked me right in the eye and said "Tinka me." I wasn't sure what he was trying to say at first but he continued to look me in the eye and say "Tinka me" so I knew he was trying to tell me something. Finally it occured to me that he was saying "Think of Me" which is a song I have been singing to the kids at bedtime for years. He had heard me sing it to Nee Nee and Bear every night and now he was ready to have his turn. I started singing and he immediately laid down, snuggled his stuffed animal and closed his eyes.

The song if from the cartoon Veggie Tales and the lyrics go:

"Think of me everyday.

Hold tight to what I say,

And I'll be close to you,

Even from far away.

Know that wherever you are,

it is never too far.

If you think of me,

I'll be with you."

Why Can't We Be Friends? Doulas vs The Medical Community

2008-11-24T14:43:00.000-08:00

NBC's Today Show segment (I apologize for the poor quality, but thank the person who put this on youtube for others to see.):

What a horrible story! First of all, why interview a doctor? Shouldn't they be interviewing a doula or someone from DONA international? From my experience most physicians do not like people who encourage their patients to question their recommendations. And I can certainly understand why they would feel that way. After all, doulas are not trained to deliver or provide medical care for babies.  However, most physicians are also not trained for normal birth, they are skilled surgeons trained to look for reasons to intervene with a normal process.  The common thread here is that they both work for the expectant mother and along with the nurse they are part of a team whose goal is to give the mother and baby the best outcome possible.

A doula sister of mine recently attended a hospital birth at supposedly "baby-friendly" hospital with a new maternity wing. The first thing the OB did was to point at the doula and tell the laboring mother that she shouldn't influence her decisions.  After laboring for only six hours and getting clear to seven cenimeters open the doula was asked to step out while the medical staff spoke to the parents. She was allowed back in and a short time later asked to step out again so that the staff could discuss with the parents their options.  My friend waited outside the room and the nurse came out with her things and told her it would be best if she went home. My friend was shocked. She left only to find out later that her client had an epidural, the baby's heart rate dropped, and her client ended up with a c-section. It was the doctor's third c-section that day. Later she found out that the nurse lied to the parents, telling them the doula had errands to run and that was why she left. The nurse had simply come back in to get her belongings and bring them to her.

I have heard of doula horror stories, of course, where doulas pressure unwilling clients into natural birth when perhaps that wasn't what the mother wanted or it was a detriment to the outcome of the labor. In any profession there are going to be those who need to find another line of work. This would be an example of someone who has crossed the lines of doula support.

So what can doulas do to help build a sense of teamwork in the maternity ward of a hospital?

Before I walk into a hospital birth I encourage clients to inform their doctors that they will be hiring a doula. That way they aren't surprised by my presence. I come in with the mindset that the staff might have had bad experiences with other doulas. I do my best to put them at ease by greeting them with respect and appreciation for being there.  I try to avoid interjecting while the staff is speaking and if I feel something needs to be addressed I will ask the mom if she wants to ask her doctor about the procedures discussed by using the B.R.A.I.N. acronym.  That empowers her to ask about the benefits, risks, and alternatives to any procedure. Then we talk about what her intuition is telling her and ask if the intervention has to be done now.  Then she has the power to make an informed consent.  With this technique I avoid the temptation to tell her what I think she should do, which keeps me from crossing the line from empowering to pushing. I do my very best to be the gentle voice in a roomful of people and while I am not hiding in the corner I am also not dominating the room and drawing negative attention. If I want to suggest a change in position with the nurse in the room I will ask "I have a birth ball that I brought, do you think we would be able to use it?" In my head I know that it is probably okay but in this manner I am respecting their "turf." If they seem hesitant I try to find out what they are worried about, and we can often compromise "How about we keep it right by the bed so she can still be monitored?" That way both parties get what they want.  I offer to do all of the running for the mom instead of asking the nurse for things I can easily get.  I am also sure to use the nurse's first name and always use a positive tone. At the end of a birth I am sure to thank everyone involved. If you think the nurse was great, praise her up and down! Nurses sometimes work under crappy conditions and they experience burn-out pretty easily.  If the OB has an office I send a card thanking him/her for being great to work with and add a few business cards.
Now I realize there will be situations like the one I mentioned above where the nurse was really out of line. This sort of behavior needs to be brought to the attention of her supervisors. Lying, manipulating, or removing a patient's right is never okay and should not be tolerated. Just as we are advocates for our patients through labor we also have a greater responsibility to address issues that affect the well being of our clients.

While our first priority is to our client we also have to realize that serving our client also means being respectful and fostering good relationships with the medical staff.  If we all get along and keep a peaceful and positive energy around the laboring mother can you imagine how much better the outcomes could be?

Welcome Our Newest Family Member!

2008-11-22T09:46:00.000-08:00

Daisy melted our hearts the moment we saw her. Right after church we went outside to chat with our friends and Midge ran off to the grassy area to play. Someone from our church had brought puppies and Daisy went right up to Midge and tried to hide under his legs. Of course he is all of two feet tall so he was unable to keep his balance. She was so sweet, curling up underneath us to keep cool.

At our shop we have a watchdog named Dusty. He has been a bit lonely lately so we figured this would be a good playmate for our Dusty Dog. She's been such a great addition to our shop. She keeps Dusty busy and they both seem happy. At first I was wondering if we had made a mistake taking a puppy home on a whim but it's been wonderful. She has a fantastic personality and we think she and Dusty will be lifelong friends.

Motrin Can Kiss My Crunchy Patootie

2008-11-16T13:41:00.000-08:00

What on earth were the half brained people in the marketing department thinking when they decided to come out with this campaign? Click the link below to see:

http://www.motrin.com/

Here is the ad, in case it is removed, (which I suspect it will be very soon):

Wearing your baby seems to be in fashion.

I mean, in theory it’s a great idea.
There’s the front baby carrier, sling, schwing, wrap, pouch.
And who knows what else they’ve come up with. Wear your baby on your side, your front, go hands free.
Supposedly, it’s a real bonding experience.
They say that babies carried close to the bod tend to cry less than others.
But what about me? Do moms that wear their babies cry more than those who don’t?
I sure do!
These things put a ton of strain on your back, your neck, your shoulders. Did I mention your back?!
I mean, I’ll put up with the pain because it’s a good kind of pain; it’s for my kid.
Plus, it totally makes me look like an official mom.
And so if I look tired and crazy, people will understand why.

For those of you out of the babywearing loop let me bring you up to speed. Babywearing is not a new trend, but a cultural practice where a mother, father, or others close to the baby "wear" the baby in a carrier, sling or wrap. Babywearing has been long documented among other cultures and studies suggest babies who are worn cry less, which is good for both mom and baby. One physician, Dr. William Sears, has written much about babywearing and it's benefits. Overall it's a practice that makes sense when you think of how moms and babies bond and what makes babies happy.

I had never even heard of babywearing until after my Nee Nee was born seven years ago. She was known as the Velcro baby because she never wanted to be put down. Being a mommy to a high needs child like her was nothing less than draining. One day another mom suggested I wear her in a sling. Lo and behold...she was a happier baby and I was a happier mama. This picture of us was taken when she was five months old. You can see she is happy and I am smiling! For me babywearing was the only way I could keep my sanity! I wore all three of my kiddos and I still wear Noah when he has his cloth diapers in a bunch or when he won't sit in the cart at Trader Joe's.

So here's my response to Motrin:

Dear PR People At Motrin,

In theory your marketing campaign may have seemed like a great idea. I mean, let's take something that millions of women have done for thousands of years, find the downside and add a plug for your pain reliever. Viola! The Motrin should be flying off the shelves, right?

So if I am understanding you correctly I only wear my baby because I want to be fashionable and regardless of how much pain it puts me in I will suffer for supposed benefits that are good in theory? Sounds like the fixings for a nice case of post-partum depression to me!

First of all, babywearing's "supposed" benefits have been studied for years and have actually been proven and documented. Secondly, I don't know what the heck a "schwing" is but if you are trying to sweeten your insult by using a Wayne's World catchphrase I think all of those anti-inflammatories have clogged your brains. Lastly, any carrier that is causing you pain is being worn incorrectly and it needs to be adjusted. All those babywearing maytrs who have "suffered" for their children for years before Motrin was even invented must have been tired and crazy! As long as I look like official mom, I should be okay though. Because appearance is everything and nobody could ever tell you are a mom unless you have a baby strapped to you. *eyeroll*

Before I end this rant...errr...commentary I just want to add that the side effects of Motrin are as listed:

Abdominal cramps or pain, abdominal discomfort, bloating and gas, constipation, diarrhea, dizziness, fluid retention and swelling, headache, heartburn, indigestion, itching, loss of appetite, nausea, nervousness, rash, ringing in ears, stomach pain, vomiting.

So let me see...you insulted me with your ignorant statements, you poke fun at my parenting style, then you offer me all these great side effects? Where can I sign up?

Gaah! Motrin...WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

Funny Nunnies

2008-11-15T16:22:00.000-08:00

Last night I was at my mom's house with Midge, enjoying some quality family time with my parents, sister, and my niece "Boo" who is almost three. Midge and Boo worked at learning to play nicely with each other throughout the evening.

Midge has finally gotten the hang of asking to nurse: "Nunnies, pes." It's really sweet to see how much he loves being next to his mommy getting his snack of choice. Plus I get to sit down instead of chase him around and I always welcome that break.

So I am nursing little Midge on my mom's sofa chair and Boo comes up and asks if Midge can play with her. I tell her after he is done drinking his milk. She looks a bit confused and asks me where his milk is. I tell her it is inside me and he is drinking it (pointing to my breast). She is just mystified now. "In your chi-chi?" she exclaims. "Yes, I have leche (milk) in my chi-chis," I explain. Now she is genuinely excited by this idea. Her happiness was just peaking at this point. What a miraculous discovery for Boo...milk inside your body that comes out when you want to drink it! Her big brown eyes look right at me, her face all lit up and she smiles sweetly and asks, "Can I drink some?" Her sweetness made it was hard to tell her no. I gently explained that only babies drink milk from their mommies and that big girls like her get their milk from sippy cups. She was disappointed but she went up to my sister and asked to drink her milk. My sister explained she didn't have any for her. Boo persisted a bit longer but finally accepted that mommies make milk for babies, and Boo's milk was stored in the fridge.

On the bright side of Boo graduating out of being a "baby" she earned herself a ice cream princess cake for going poop in the potty. Personally, I would take the ice cream cake anyday!

The Toddler With The Iron Fist

2008-11-11T21:22:00.000-08:00

In Clarks Nutritional center I made an urgent call for direction to the homeopathic remedy drops that help calm a toddler that has been like a little raging bull for the last two days. Poor Midge has been completely out of control the last few days, and it has been a nightmare. He's not ill and not tired, but just trying to understand the way fairness and life works and it's not agreeing with him.

He learned the word "mine" and according to him everything should be stamped with his name. It's really hard to explain to a 17 month the laws of ownership. So to accompany this unwillingness to share is his right hand swinging at people about every minute or so. I have had to sit with him near other children because once I see that face scowl and those eyebrows furrow I know the hand of wrath will fly within about .2 seconds. To make matters worse he seems to enjoy hitting with toys in his hand. Most remarkably a steel car on the head of a child of someone I had just met. Oye! I was horrified.

Today I took it upon myself to write him a prescription for lots of Mei Tai carrier time and as needed doses of chamomilla tablets. Oh, and lots and lots of re-enforcement of the "no hitting" policy. So far he seems calmer and a bit more relaxed. I just hope we can turn Midge's frown upside down before he makes me crazy!

Three Bean Chili (my own recipe)

2008-11-06T11:48:00.000-08:00

2-15oz cans dark kidney beans
1-15 oz can pinto beans
1-15 oz can black beans
1-15 oz can sweet corn (the crunchier the better!)
1 bottle vegetable juice (like V8, I use Trader Joe's Low sodium Garden Patch)
1 medium onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced or eqivalent dried garlic
1 tbsp cumin
2 tbsp chili powder
2/3 cup brown sugar
2 tbsp dried oregano
salt and pepper

Add bottle of vegetable juice to crockpot. Drain beans and corn and add to crockpot. Add in onion, garlic, cumin, chili powder, brown sugar, dried oregano and stir. Salt and pepper to taste.Cook on low setting for 4-6 hours. Serves a large crowd or a family with some leftovers!

**I recommend using low sodium vegetable juice and organic ingredients whenever you can. Makes for a much healthier dish!

I Must Have Done Something Right!

2008-11-05T19:58:00.000-08:00

So yesterday's breaskfast fiasco left me questioning my tactics. Of course the job description of "Mom" includes the occasional self-induced guilt trips, so I tried not to beat myself up over it. I stuck to my guns...meals are eaten in the high chair and I'm not running a diner. You eat what you are given when you are given it or you have to wait until snack time or the next meal.

Lunch yesterday was much better. He sat in the high chair and eagerly ate a slice of pizza. Dinner was met with equal success. As I was making lunch today I told him "Go sit in your highchair" and he walked over to it and waiting for me to scoop him up and sit him down. Dinner tonight was a huge success. Again he obeyed me and went to his highchair and sat down. I gave him a new meal, Three Bean Chili and a slice of cornbread and he started eating it! Not only that but he used a spoon and didn't toss the bowl over the side of the tray onto the floor. Not only that but he drank from a big boy cup and didn't spill! He ate really well and was good about not throwing food, a habit we have been trying to break forever.

But wait...it gets better!!

Today while I was at work he went into the diaper bag and grabbed me a clean diaper and handed it to me. Had had done a #2 and wanted changed! Oh my gosh! He's never done that before. He took off his diaper before bathtime again tonight and squatted down so I decided to see what would happen if...

Nothing came of it, but he thought it was funny that I tried to instruct him with grunts and gestures and the word "poo-poo." Ah well. He's still a bit young, but it was funny to see him up there hanging out like a big boy.

I'm glad there are days like this. It makes me feel like all of my hard work and endless hours of repeating myself do pay off.

It Sounds Easy

2008-11-04T10:42:00.000-08:00

Feeding your child breakfast should be a fairly simple task involving making a meal, putting child in high chair, feeding your child, cleaning their hands and face and viola...mealtime is over!

That doesn't happen here.

Midge has decided that he doesn't want to sit and eat. He doesn't even really want to stand and eat. So I feed him two bites of yogurt standing up and he runs off to play. I am tempted to chase him but I am not about to teach him that mommy is not his portable feeding machine. We go to Jazzercise after breakfast and after an hour he bursts out of childcare clamoring at my feet with his hungry pant that sounds remarkably like Bill Cosby's imitation of lamaze breathing. We only live a couple blocks away so I opt to take him home and feed him what is left of his breakfast. The entire way home he is falling apart. When we get home I stick him in his high chair and go to get his yogurt. When I turn back he has wiggled out of the chair and is squatting on the tray. I try to place him back in the chair he throws a tantrum.

At this point I decide that he needs to learn that if he won't sit then he won't eat. I have to make one of those pivotal mommy calls where I either have to break down and try to feed him on the go or suck it up and allow him to experience the reprecussions of his actions. It was a tough call because he's still a young toddler but I decided that I had made every effort to feed him and I had to let it go and let him be unhappy. I offered him another bite, but he ran off so I left the room.

Within a minute he came back to me crying. I mean, he looks pathetic and all but by this point I just shake my head. By 11am he has taken two bites of yogurt. He is hungry and refuses to sit down and eat. The sheer ridiculousness of the whole breakfast ordeal has lasted until lunch now. Look at this face. I hope he can duplicate it's pathetic-ness for grandma or maybe even the CPS agents when they come out for a malnourished child report.

Gotta make lunch with a screaming toddler at my legs. Maybe I'll sprinkle some Valium on my pizza today.

And Just When I Thought He Couldn't Get More Fabulous...

2008-11-02T12:04:00.000-08:00

My very dear friend Jered managed to land himself a spot in history with his Halloween costume that was featured in the Associated Press. He was the Wicked Witch of Wasilla, aka Sarah Palin. This was taken at a party in West Hollywood.

Let me guess where his vote lies...

:-)

Halloween 2008!

2008-11-02T10:46:00.000-08:00

Stephen and I, along with our sock puppet Midge, Gothic Countess Nee-Nee, and Ninja Bear were able to recover from the flu bug in time to get some trick-or-treating done. It was great to see the kids feeling up to par again! Especially Nee-Nee, who I had not seen smile in several days. Midge was facinated by all of the costumes. He even chased a little boy about his age who was dressed as a lion.

All in all it was a good night. I feel like things are normalizing again as far as being sick goes. Hope everyone else had a great Halloween!

Barf-A-Thon 2008, Part 3...The Epic

2008-10-30T22:21:00.000-07:00

Today my darling Nee-Nee would not get out of bed. She was starting to show the early signs of dehydration and so I immediately got on the phone and started calling everyone who could give me medication and/or watch my other two so I could make an urgent care visit. Luckily I managed to get some anti-emetic medication for her so she could start keeping things down again. I watched her closely until the medication arrived...then I had to explain to her where it went. Poor kid was like, "You're gonna stick that where?" After some coaxing and explaining that taking it orally isn't a great idea she let me administer it (one of the greatest parts of parenthood I tell ya!). Within the hour she was sleeping and not drinking. I went in and told her that if she didn't start taking some sips of water that I was going to take her to the hospital for an IV. Immediately she sat up and started drinking little sips of water. She then napped and has since been improving.

Bear seemed perfect...24 hours vomit free. So I allowed him to eat lunch, which I later learned came back up in the back of his step-mom's car. Oops.

Midge has had his first day of no runs in a week! Yay! I am cautiously calling him 100% better.

I'm doing better, still have a tiny appetite right now. Stephen is 100% better.

I hope tomorrow all is better so the kids can enjoy a memorable Halloween.

Barf-A-Thon 2008, Part 2...The Saga Continues.

2008-10-29T10:32:00.000-07:00

Last night Bear joined the Barf-A-Thon by leaving a trail from the living room to the bathroom. What a great way to start off! Nee Nee and Bear both got sick during the night but this morning they are watching Cars and I am giving them a popscicle every hour.

Hopefully things will just keep getting better. I am doing everything I can to get this family back to normal before Halloween.

Thanks to everyone for their positive thoughts.

Barf-A-Thon 2008!!

2008-10-28T18:15:00.000-07:00

A day planned full of fun, learning, and visiting family has been changed to a day of emptying barf buckets and soothing another sick child. Midge had the stomach flu all weekend and now Nee-Nee is really sick. She's set a new puking record for this household. Five times in six hours.

Let's just hope that this all ends very soon. I know that other families at my church had this stomach bug and it's a pretty nasty strain.

Breastfeeding On My Terms

2008-10-22T09:25:00.000-07:00

I recall with fondness and a little wincing my early days of nursing Nee-Nee. The very first time I did it I was filled with this wonderous sense that I was a strong woman who could feed her baby. It was like I was fulfilling my feminine calling. As the weeks passed I became sore, dealing with blisters, cracks, and a boob addicted child who wouldn't settle for pacifier. I would get nervous when I knew I had to nurse her but I worked through those hard times and before long she and I were settled into a routine.

With the older two I got a lot of questions about when I was going to wean. That was often followed by much criticism about how they were too old to be nursing. To be honest I only planned to nurse Nee Nee for one year. When one year came and went I pushed the limit to 15 months, then to 18 months. I finally realized that I didn't want to wean...there was no reason to! So what if she could ask for it? It made us happy and it was beneficial for the both of us. I learned to let negative comments and opinions roll off my back. With Bear I made it to over two years and it was just perfect. I don't have any regrets in regards to how long we nursed. In fact, we even did some modeling for First 5 of California (see pic).

Now that I am still nursing Midge I don't get a single comment. He is 17 months old and still needs mommy's "nunnies" to get him through the tough toddler years. I think my family has learned that I nurse on my own terms and that their opinions about my choices will fall on deaf ears. In fact, my mom suggests I nurse my baby when he is fussy or tired. I don't get looks from people, or maybe I just don't care to notice. Now that I have been nursing for over five out of the last seven years it seems so normal and natural to me to just do what works and what feels right. I don't know when we will wean, and I am glad that we aren't restricting ourselves to a certain age or date. I just know that we are happy now and that is all that matters.

I would encourage all breastfeeding moms to take each day as it comes and not restrict your nursing relationship due to pressure or the baby's age. Do what feels right for both you and the baby. When it is time to wean, you will know. Don't let the opinions of others take away the beautiful bond between you and your little one if you aren't ready to give it up.

I can proudly say that all three of my kiddos are so sweet, loving, and still very close to me. I attribute much of that to breastfeeding them. I love my boobie babies!

Bodily Functions...YAY!

2008-10-19T13:33:00.000-07:00

I bought this awesome pair of Roxy slip on flat shoes several months ago and I love them. They are so comfy and they go with nearly everything I have.

One night I go to snuggle up on the couch across from my hubby and I sneakily put my feet in his lap so that he might indulge me in a foot rub. Within moments I jumped up from the couch when the aroma of a sweaty gym sock permeated the area.

"Your feet stink dude!" I complained. He looked at me innocently and replied, "No, your feet stink." "No they don't! I don't have stinky feet!" I objected back. I had never ever had a problem with foot odor my entire life. Even if I tried I doubt I could make my feet smell bad. I leaned over and tried to smell my own feet, which I found difficult. So I bent down and picked up the shoes. Sure enough, they smelled horrible! I had stinky feet! Me! For the very first time in my life! It was a strange moment of triumph and embarrassment. I actually got very excited at this new level of grossness I had achieved. "I have stinky feet!" I exclaimed. Poor Stephen just looked at me and smiled.

Are my poor shoes doomed? Can you wash smell out of canvas flat shoes? Anyone know?

For the record, I also cannot burp. The air bubbles come up, but no burp accompanies them. It's the strangest thing. I have never been able to participate in any burping contests or have anyone laugh at my cool loud bodily function. It's made me an outcast in those bodily function humor circles. If someday I ever do manage a good blech I will be sure to blog on that, too.

USA Today: Maternity-care failings can be remedied with cost-saving fixes!

2008-10-13T11:57:00.000-07:00

Imagine my excitement to read this article in USA today paired right beside this article on the unneccesary high-tech interventions that do not benefit pregnant women or their babies.

My favorite quote has to be: "If a doula could be put in an IV drip, everyone would get it."

Happy reading!

Seven Year Olds On Thanksgiving Dinner

2008-10-13T08:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I took the kiddos to the pumpkin patch after church. The weather was perfect, it was in the low 70's and the air was crisp. As we drove past holiday decorations Nee Nee seemed deep in thought. As we neared our destination she broke the silence with this question:

"Mommy, why do people kill turkeys for Thanksgiving?"

Ah, the hard questions. My sweet beautiful daughter wasn't thinking about carving pumpkins or trick or treating, she was concerned over other living creatures and their welfare.

I wasn't sure what emotional direction we would be headed with a detailed reponse so I tested the water and answered simply, "It's tradition."

She paused and then said, "That's not very good for the earth, killing living things."

I smiled and told her "Well, you can decide not to eat turkey if you don't want any. There will be tofurkey at grandma's."

She went back deep in thought and didn't say anything else.

It's strange to think that my little girl is getting to be mature enough to decide what she thinks is right and wrong with the world. My hope is to continually move her from "That's not fair" to "What can I do about it?"

Oh This Is So Cute!

2008-10-07T21:45:00.000-07:00

I love this so much. It's just so sweet and innocent. Makes me smile everytime.

Mexican (Mex-eee-can)

2008-10-07T15:12:00.000-07:00

While browsing the internet today I decided to check out some local take out menus from a small town in Missouri and was really amused by this one:

I realize it's very hard to read but basically it's got a list of the different Mexican dishes to the right with correct pronounciation and descriptions. They even have a description and pronounciation of nachos. Nachos? Really? Tortilla as well. And burrito.

I hate to chuckle at the idea that anyone needs a pronounciation key for meals I grew up eating, but I suppose I would be just as lost trying to decipher a menu with French cuisine.

What's truly classic is one day while we were dating my husband wanted to order a quesadilla and couldn't think of the word. He told me "You know the thing with the tortilla and the cheese? Where you fold it over?" The look on my face was priceless, it was one of sheer disbelief. Lucky him, he never gets to live that down. Just to think that 5 years ago he lived in Missouri. Guess he should have brought this menu with him...just in case.

Secretly Pleased

2008-10-07T12:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Bear decided to help me with chores. I handed him a rag and a bottle of Eco-Me's wood polish (olive oil, vinegar, water, essential oil mix) and told him to clean the entertainment center. He promptly went over and gave the tv screen a few good sprays. I stopped him and told him only to clean the wood and went into the bathroom to do my share of cleaning. Bless Bear's heart, he worked very hard to help me get the house clean that day.

Fast forward to after the kids were all in bed. Stephen went to turn on the tv and looked puzzled. He tried a different remote but wasn't able to get the tv to turn on. After fiddling with the remotes for a few minutes he walked over to the tv and pulled back the plastic tv button guard and drew his hand back. "Someone spilled something in here." I wrinkled my nose. "Really? How could they have done that?" We had just had a house full of people for Bible study and I didn't remember that any child had been near the tv with their sippy cups or bottles. He smelled it and all at once I realized what had happened. "Does it smell like olive oil?" I asked. "Yes," he said, looking very confused. I looked at him and said slowly, "It was Bear, he sprayed the tv with furniture polish and must not have wiped it off after I told him to only clean the wood. The spray must have ran down into the plastic guard and over the buttons." Stephen looked at me in disbelief and broke the bad news "The tv doesn't work anymore." A final attempt to turn it on confirmed it.

I've had that tv for about 4 years and it's nothing fancy, but it is our only tv in the house. So for now it's comatose with little hope for recovery.

The truth is that the stupid thing has been sucking up couple time from Stephen and I and I am glad it's been silenced (at least temporarily). I am not much of a tv watcher and now I can actually get "eyeball" time with my honey. Maybe we'll go back to doing those things married people do at night.

Hey Bushy, Bail Me Out Too!

2008-09-30T22:10:00.000-07:00

So let me get this straight:

If you are in charge of one of the largest corporations in the United States and you make horrible financial decisions and loan money to people who will never be able to pay you back and your choices create a huge negative impact on the economy George W. Bush will hand you 700 billion dollar check courtesy of taxpayers to bail your butt out of trouble??

Hey G.W., how about us people who refused to take out a bad loan when the market was high and waited patiently for things to cool off so we could afford to buy a home? What about those of us who were responsible with our money when banks were loaning hundreds of thousands of dollars to people who could only afford the interest payments? Now the people who waited for housing prices to drop can't even get a loan because the lenders are refusing to give home loans to stated income/self-employed people.

Guess being financially responsible really doesn't matter in this country does it? America's greed has bitten itself in the butt and here comes Bushy to patch it up. I guess I should have purchased a house back when interest-only loans were a dime a dozen, refinanced it, bought myself nice toys and fancy vacations and then forclosed on the home and filed for bankruptcy.

I am so embarrassed to be an American right now. This country is full of self-indulgent people who want instant gratification regardless of the consequences. It's no wonder other countries hate us.

Jazzercise Update.

2008-09-29T10:33:00.000-07:00

I started Jazzercise about a month ago. When I first went I was not sure what to expect. I wanted to be challenged but I also wanted to be comfortable in my own skin, meaning I didn't want to be surrounded by teeny 19 year old girls complaining about cellulite. When I started out I told myself I would go 4 times a week and stick to it. I have done fairly well with that commitment. The moves come a lot more smoothly to me now. Although I still get lost at times or I can't perfect a move or a routine I still get my heart rate up there and I have a good time.

So now the report...does it work?

While I have lost only a couple of pounds my body has completely changed. My buns, thighs, hips, and waist have lost a lot of inches. I assume I am losing fat while at the same time gaining muscle, so my weight is balancing out. I am more toned and fit. I am feeling the addiction to the endorphines that exercise gives you. I honestly think it was one of the best choices I have made for myself. I feel better overall and I am drinking more water (another thing I was bad at) and I tend to watch what I eat the rest of the day so I do not "undo" my workout.

Big thumbs up for Jazzercise!

My Readers Rock!

2008-09-24T12:19:00.000-07:00

When I added the Live Traffic Feed to my blog I thought it would be fun to see if anyone actually reads my blog. Lo and behold, not only do people read it, but they share it with others! I have readers in Canada, Budapest, England, and even Sweden. And someone on a messageboard has posted a link to my Cloth Diapering 101 post because I keep getting traffic from a board full of "sexy mamas." They denied me access to snoop on their board though. Maybe I was not sexy enough?? ;-)

Anyways, I just want to thank everyone who takes the time to read my blog. Sometimes it's a big whiney, crunchy, long-winded, or opinionated but knowing that I have people who care about what I write means a lot to me. I have always loved writing and I think I missed my calling. It's very flattering to know I am worthy of a good read, or a good laugh at my expense. :-)

Homework...Oh How I Loathe Thee!

2008-09-23T14:10:00.000-07:00

When I graduated high school I celebrated my freedom from the tyranny of classrooms, school lunches, tests, and best of all, homework! Or so I thought.

Fast forward 12 years and I am once again a slave to school bells, packing organic nutritious and yummy lunches, and worst of all...homework!

My afternoons are mostly spent helping both of the school aged kids to get through hours of homework. When they come home they are tired. I see it in their walk, in their faces, and in their eyes, mostly. I know that if they start homework right away they will be more productive then if I wait and they lose their steam. Then they tend to be more resistant.

I find myself questioning why it is necessary to give a 7 year old 7 pages of homework plus 20 minutes of reading in one night. She is sitting at her desk now plowing away at it like a dedicated learner. While I admire and praise her hard work ethic I also question if she would be better off taking the afternoon to learn at a museum or having an arts and crafts day with dear old mom. What benefit does homework truly have for children?

According to an article in Time Magazine students now have more homework than ever. Not only that, but homework has been shown to have an affect on the quality of home life and even on a student's health. However, with standards ever-increasing for our young scholars how are we to keep up if we don't push our children to go above and beyond? What is a reasonable amount of homework that a student should be expected to accomplish?

I recently learned of "unschooling." This is where a child is not placed in a set curriculum, but they are taught as they show interest in a subject. I find this facinating. Although I value the great teachers we have at our elementary school I have to wonder what my children are missing because we are limited on our free time. I would love to take my young ones on a field trip to watch a cow being born or to let them spend the day with dad and learn how engines work. I believe making a lesson out of a grocery store trip can be more memorable and educational than pouring over a math sheet. Involving a child in daily tasks, like budgeting, is a necessary life skill that isn't taught in a classroom setting.

I believe that as parents we need to step up and become advocates for our children. If your family is suffering because of homework then speak to your childrens' teachers. There is a time and place for learning after the school bell has rung, but not at the expense of a happy family. Use your daily outings as a chance to teach. Show your children food labels at the grocery stores so they know how to spot junk food. Take them to a bank and explain how loans work. Plant seeds in your backyard and watch them grow.

Most importantly, lead by example. We are always teaching our children, even if we are not aware they are learning from us.

Blow It Out Your Ash-Hole!

2008-09-20T22:30:00.000-07:00

This weekend we went to a huge car show. As we lined the streets to watch the cruise route I noticed that all around me people were lighting up cigarettes. They didn't seem to care that they were less than five feet away from my 17 month old son. Many of them were smoking with their kids right next to them. It was just disgusting. While they might profess that it was their right to smoke I will argue that it is my right to not breathe their second hand carcinogens and it certainly isn't right for them to subject innocent children to poisons. In fact during the burnout competition while we were in the grandstands there were two men behind us that were puffing away almost the entire time. Stephen asked them if they were smoking and they lied to him and told him they weren't but I was sitting there watching them do it!  It was just infuriating! To have them lie to us was one thing, but for them to continue to expose my child to smoke knowing that it bothered us was unacceptable.

Most smokers I know of are considerate, and I do give them credit. However, this weekend I must have just been surrounded with real winners. Generally I am a very non-judgemental person and I try to see things from all points of view, but ignorance about the harmful effects of smoking is intentional. From a very young age we see the anti-smoking commercials on tv and we are taught in elementary school to "just say no." One thing that completely frustrates me is seeing panhandlers who smoke asking for money. Did it ever occur to them that their habit need not be funded by the kindness of others and maybe if they quit they might have some extra money for food or clothing?

So without sounding too preachy I just have to voice my complete and utter disgust with smoking.  I have had enough of kids that come into the hospital with asthma whose parents reek of cigarettes. I am tired of keeping my toddler from picking up cigarette butts and eating them as we take walks.  This last Wednesday I wanted to slap the parents at Disneyland who took their kids into the smoking section so they could have a cigarette. Why does your habit come before the health and safety of your children?

I have sugar coated a lot of things here. But if you are a smoker I will not do that for you.  If you smoke expect that your life will be shortened. Expect that it will affect those around you. Expect that your children will imitate your behavior. Expect that you will be disabled by your habit. Expect that you will be socially outcast. Expect that you will be throwing away money. At the same time you need to realize that you can make the choice to stop.

Cloth Diapering 101: Getting Started

2008-09-18T12:23:00.000-07:00

So you have written Pampers and Huggies their Dear John letters telling them that you will no longer be needing them. Now you are moving onto a long term relationship with cloth diapers but have no idea where to start or how much to spend. If you are still insist that Luvs is in love with your baby's bum wake up and smell the rash cream while reading this article.

Since I have started using cloth diapers a couple months ago I have had many friend and family ask me about how they can get started.

First, you need to decide what kind of cloth diaper you need and which brand you would like. There are four different kinds of cloth diapers. I have listed them here along with their pros and cons:

1. All In Ones (AIOs)- A diaper that has the cover sewn on the fleece layer so it is all in one piece. No diaper cover required.

Pros: The most leak proof. Thinner than other cloth diapers. Fasten with a snap or velcro with the ease of use most like a disposable.

Cons: They take several dryer cycles to dry completely. They tend to hold more odors (especially if they do not dry all the way). I have heard some moms say that they don't feel like these get as clean as other diapers.

2. Fitted Cloth Diapers: Diapers that fasten with velcro or snaps that do require a diaper cover.

Pros: Dry faster than AIOs. Easier to fasten than pre-fold or flat diapers.

Cons: Require a diaper cover.

3. Flat or Pre-fold Diapers: The "old fashioned" diapers your grandma remembers. (DO NOT BUY THE GERBER BRAND! They are worthless!)

Pros: Less expensive. Multiple uses: burp cloth, cleaning, wiping up spills.

Cons: Require a diaper cover. Require pins or a Snappi (diaper faster pictured) to hold in place. Can leak.

4. Pocket Diapers: A diaper that has three main parts: a waterproof outer barrier fabric is sewn to the second component, an inner moisture-wicking fabric that keeps the skin feeling dry. These two fabrics form a pocket for the third component, an absorbent insert, to be placed.

Pros: Wicks moisture away from baby's bottom. Pieces are easier to clean and dry. Best for diaper rash.

Cons: More pieces to keep track of. Need to "assemble" and "disassemble."

So now that you know a little bit about the different types of cloth diapers you will need to decide on which brand you want. There are so many brands to chose from that I cannot mention them all here. However, I will touch on some things to consider when you are chosing a brand:

Does the diaper come as a one-size fits all or will you have to spend more money to buy each size?
Does the diaper come with it's own inserts or covers?
Is the diaper made of organic materials (this usually costs more)?
Does the diaper come in different colors/designs?

So now that you have purchased your diapers what do you do with them?

The first thing you should do is wash them. There are many different methods of washing cloth diapers but I am going to give you the one that I use. Do do not use baby detergent and never use fabric softener. Dreft and other detergents that are advertised on tv are not good for cloth diapers. In fact, commercial detergents aren't good for you or your clothes at all, but that is another blog for another time. So what do you wash them in? I have two favorites: Charlie Soap or Maggie's Soap Nuts. Both are great products. They leave no residue on the diapers that can irritate your baby. Fabric softener isn't needed because when fabric has no residue it will be naturally soft, plus fabric softer will make the diapers repel urine instead of absorbing it. Before you wash the diapers be sure any velcro tabs are folded down so they do not snag on other fabrics. Also be sure that all diaper parts are separated (take pocket inserts out) before washing. You can put your cloth diapers in the dryer on warm but they will last longer if hung on a clothes line. Most diapers can be washed warm (check your diaper's washing instructions) but any diaper that is soiled should be soaked for about 15 minutes first in cold to remove poop stains. Soaking in hot water will "cook" the poop proteins onto the diaper. Some people like to do an extra rinse cycle on their diapers. I have not done this and it's never been a problem, but Midge isn't that sensitive. A more sensitive baby or a newborn might benefit from the extra rinse cycle.

While we are talking about washing, let's go ahead and talk about poop. Admit it, you dread having to change a poopy cloth diaper. I was intimidated at first, too. You can read about my first adventure in poopy cloth diapering here. The good news is that there are extra products you can buy to help the process go a little smoother. If your baby is breastfed his or her poop will be soft and you really won't need to do a lot of pre-care. It's okay to put liquidy poop in the wash, but you will want to avoid putting anything solid in it as it will not break down and rinse away. If your baby is formula fed or eats solids the poop will require a little more care. You will shake the solid poop into the toilet carefully and flush away that waste. From there you just place the soiled diaper in a dry diaper pail. You can purchase a flushable liner to place inside of the diapers so the poop will not mash itself into the diaper's fabric. You just lift it out of the diaper and place it right in the toilet. Some pocket diapers come with a liner that releases poop pretty easily. If not you can purchase them separately. They are also great for heavy wetters or doubling up for overnight. Another option for cleaning off the soiled diapers is to use a diaper sprayer. These can hook to your bathroom sink or behind your toilet. These are also great for rinsing down your sink, tub, and toilet. You do not have to have all of these products, but chosing one or two would be good to make cleaning up poop less a little neater.

So eventually you will need to leave the house and when you do you will need to be prepared with a "wet bag" in your diaper bag. These are neat because they come in dozens of different colors and designs that make you look ultra-cool to the ladies in the public restrooms. I opted for one with a zipper and it has worked wonderfully. I have also seen the available with a draw string top. You just place your dirty diapers or any other wet clothing items in and dump them into your diaper pail or washer when you get home. They are washable but so far I have not noticed a smell coming from mine. You can opt to carry a small squirt bottle of water and wash cloths with you or use disposable packaged wipes. After your cloth diapering days are over your wet bag can be used for wet bathing suits or potty accidents.

What about diaper rashes? If your child develops irritation using cloth diapers try using less soap in the wash and doing an extra rinse cycle. If that doesn't help add 1/2 cup of white vinegar to the rinse cycle. Vinegar helps strip the diapers of alkaline irritants. If you use a rash cream try one that does not contain fish oil, like A&D or Destitin. Instead try Burts Bees, Angel Baby Bottom Balm, Weleda, or Lemongrass Spa's Baby Bottoms Up Balm. If you do use a cream consider using a liner so that the diaper does not stain. Try giving your baby lots of naked time. Also, only use water to clean your baby's bottom.

Diaper pails can be done in two different manners...a wet pail or a dry pail. A wet pail is filled with water for diapers to soak in until wash day and a dry pail is just that...dry storage. The drawbacks to a wet pail are the odor, the need to change the water daily, potential drowning hazard for children, and some diapers cannot be stored in a wet pail, such as the AIOs. A dry pail is a safer and preferred option. You can purchase a trash can with a lid for cheap from your local Target for about $10 and it does a fine job. A sprinkle of baking soda helps reduce odors. You don't want to go any longer than two days between diaper washings. I generally wash mine with every poopy diaper but I have a toddler who poops once a day so it works out nicely.

One day you may go to smell your fresh clean diapers and realize that they aren't so fresh anymore. If this happens you will need to strip your diapers of oils and detergent residues. Before you start this process check your diapers for washing instructions to make sure you will not damage your diapers First, turn up your water heater and let your water get very hot. If you are going to do this please be so careful to make sure everyone in your home is aware of the change so they do not burn themselves. Be especially careful if you have older siblings who may be forgetful when going to wash their hands or take a shower. You may want to do this when they are in bed. Start with clean diapers. Run them through the very hot wash cycle without detergent. You can add a drop or two of liquid dish soap to help remove oils. Perform an extra rinse cycle where you will add 1/2-1 cup of white vinegar. The vinegar smell will disappear once the diapers are dry. Then you will want to rinse rinse rinse your diapers until all suds are gone (still not using soap). This will remove all of the residue. Be sure to turn your hot water heater back down. If you find that your diapers have stains sunlight is a great stain remover. Just place your stained articles in the sun for natural bleaching. If your diapers are too stiff after air drying put them in the dryer for 15 minutes before hanging out to dry.

Okay so now you are wondering what the costs are. Well let's do a rough estimate:

Diapers: This depends on which diaper you chose and if the diaper is a one size fits all. I highly recommend using BumGenius 3.0 pocket diapers. They are easy to use, come with inserts (which eliminates the need for flushable liners or a sprayer), and they are one size fits all. It also depends on how early or late you are beginning to cloth diaper. A newborn can go through a diaper every hour whereas a toddler will go through one every 3-4 hours. Let's say you want to buy an average of 12 diapers. BumGenius 3.0 pocket diapers run an average of $17. So a little over $200. With tax, shipping, etc will say $250. When you are buying diapers look for deals for buying them in larger quantities.

Detergent: Let's say you use Charlie's Soap. It runs $15 a bag that lasts 80 loads. White vinegar costs you a few bucks.

Diaper Pail: You can easily use a lided trash can or diaper pail that you already own or you can spend $10 at Target for a pail.

Wet Bag: They average anywhere from $14-$24 but let's say $20.

Cloth Wipes: I use regular wash cloths when I am not using disposable wipes. You can purchase special fleece wipes but they are not necessary.

So $250 for diapers+ $15 for Charlie's Soap + $3 for vinegar + $10 for a diaper pail + $20 for a wet bag.

Grand total= $298.

Now of course this is going to vary depending on your needs and extras but to start out that is basically what you need. Compare this to the cost of disposable diapers and you are saving some significant money.

Happy diapering!

For My Husband, On Our Anniversary

2008-09-16T14:32:00.000-07:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

If My Blackberry Curve Could Give Back Rubs...

2008-09-10T21:50:00.000-07:00

This phone was designed for a business person but I have found this little piece of technology to be key to keeping my ducks in a row. Besides being sexy and red I love that it has little alarms that I can set to remind me of appointments, birthdays, and even that hag of an aunt that visits me every 21 days. I get my 30 minute reminder at Trader Joes that I need to pick up the kids and so I have to get away from the baklava and check out. Never again will I lose track of time while deciding on the best bunch of organic bananas!

In the morning I wake up to the sweetest chirp that escalates slowly. No loud obnoxious blaring bleeps, this phone knows how to seduce me into the land of the living.

I get email straight to my phone for three different email accounts. That helps me keep on top of things and helps me get back to people more quickly and I can even send emails while I am out. The best part of it is that when you send your email at the bottom it tells your recepient that you sent it via your Blackberry. What better way is there to imply that you are important and tech savvy than to have your own phone rub it in? "Yes, I have a Blackberry...suck on that cousin Bob!! Love, Wendy."

In the morning I turn on my XM radio and listen to the 90's station. On Sunday morning I am treated to a retro weekly top 40 with Rick Dees. It's a great way to take a trip down memory lane. And when New Kids on the Block come on I secretly cheer. I still remember having hundreds of posters. My brother drew on Joey McIntyre's poster once and it truly ruined my Easter Sunday when I was 12. Last Sunday Rick Dees was giving away a stereo system complete with compact disc player, tape deck and a turn table!!! Must have been about 1993. I had to laugh...my kids don't know what a tape deck is, let alone a record player. They will never know the joys of mix tapes or holding down the pause button ever so slightly to hear your favorite artist sped up to sound like a chipmunk.

When I need directions I just turn on my telenav and it gives me turn by turn directions. No more forgetting the Mapquest directions on the printer. My baby tells me everything I need to know.

I think my husband is jealous. He complains that I love my phone and I will freely admit here that I do. I don't want to say that I love it as much as him but I sleep closer to the phone than I do my hubby. I guess I do understand. He does have the edge though...the Blackberry can't kiss my neck when I sit here and type this.

Speak of the devil...he just got home...and kissed my neck. Awww.

I'm off to bed, Blackberry in hand.

A Website Is Born!

2008-09-08T15:52:00.000-07:00

I am please to annouce the birth of origins doula services new website:

http://www.originsdoulaservices.com/

I have been working hard on it for the last few days.

Just wanted to share. Now you know why I haven't been blogging. :-)

My Yearbook Photos

2008-09-02T18:27:00.000-07:00

Travel back in time with yours truly as I share with you my yearbook pictures:

Okay this pic above was supposed to be from the year I graduated, 1996. Here is a real pic from that year. All I can say is Yowzers!

If you want to have some fun seeing yourself through the decades go to yearbookyourself.com

Have fun!

Jazzercise!!

2008-09-02T11:12:00.000-07:00

Since my last post was a bit of a heavy note I thought I'd lighten it up a little today.

For months I have been agonizing over how to exercise with a toddler. Nothing seemed feasible as Midge is now in high gear all the time. I didn't want to pay $30 a month to go to a health club and then an extra $10 a month for childcare. It seemed as if I would never get rid of the extra junk in the trunk. I walk the kids to and from school but the heat has forced me to take the car in the afternoons. Therefore I felt stuck in my fat rut without a light at the end of the tunnel.

That was until I found out about Jazzercise. My friend mentioned she was going and loved it. I have to admit that when I first heard about it I immediately pictured this:

I needed to check it out because my friend used the word "addicted" and anyone who uses the words "addicted" and "exercise" in the same sentence is either crazy or has found something really good. Since my friend is very levelheaded I assumed the later. After an internet search and a phone call I found out I could go for free anytime I wanted if I put one hour in each week in the childcare area. At this point I would have been willing to wear a full on flourescent pink one piece stretch leotard complete with scrunch socks and a scrunchie. Just one hour of childcare a week and I can come whenever there are classes and work out for free and have free childcare?? Sign me up!! Lucky me I grabbed the last childcare spot available. "It's destiny," I convince myself. I am meant to Jazzercise.

So today was my first official workout day. Let me tell you it was more fun than I thought. Most of the women there were moms or grandmas and I felt comfortable and secure. And it's a good thing too because some I probably looked like I was doing a drunk ho-down instead of a graceful step ball change.

The only challenge is that Midge didn't like the childcare. He cried a bit at first and I went in after he wouldn't calm down for 10 minutes. Then I went back out and he continued to cry for the rest of the time off and on. I felt bad but he has to get used to being in there. By the time the workout was over I was sweating and felt great and Midge was covered with hives and was snotty and hiccuping. Poor little guy! Maybe tomorrow will be better.

I will be sure to report my progress.

Spare Him The (Un)Kindest Cut!

2008-08-30T18:49:00.000-07:00

I have debated writing about this topic for awhile but I have decided I am going to go ahead and throw it out there since it is a hot topic and something I feel is very important to research and discuss.

What do 85% of the men in this world have but it removed in the most common surgery performed in America?

Answer: A foreskin!

When I was in high school I had to do volunteer hours and I chose to do mine in a newborn nursery at a local hospital. I remember seeing this thing that looked like a torture device for infants, and I didn't know what it was for:

Little did I know that I would be subjected to hearing many baby boys being circumcised. Their cries were enough to turn my stomach.

I would scoop up the newly circumcised boys and try to soothe them. I would pray that I would never have a boy because I never ever wanted to subject him to that pain. At the time I didn't know I had a choice. It became a sore spot in my heart and an experience that would forever shape me.

So many of you are reading this and saying "And.....???"

Well, did you know that no health organizations in the world recommend circumcision? It has no proven medical benefits, the benefits are regarded as "potential." North American culture has adopted circumcision as "normal" and we often see it as "cleaner" and want our boys to look more like their fathers. What is so interesting to me is that so many of us don't bother to question the practice of circumcision on our tiny infant sons but if our children needed a tonsillectomy or ear tubes we would be weighing the pros and cons and getting second opinions. We are told the procedure is simple and the baby won't feel much pain. We hand our little boys to the doctor trusting that we are doing the right thing. But what if we aren't?

The practice of circumcision is fear-based and excuses for circumcision always have been consistent with the dreaded disease of the day. For instance, in the late 1800s it was thought to cure masterbation (now we all know that isn't true). As time went on it was thought to cure tuberculosis, insanity, hip joint diseases, convulsions, bloody noses, and night terrors. For a long version of this history please click here. Now there are studys that are trying to prove that circumcision prevents HIV/AIDS. These studies have been regarded as flawed by many but the media continues to advertise these claims in an irresponsible manner. If this is true why does America have one of the highest HIV/AIDS rates as well as one of the highest circumcision rates? What a false sense of security to those who will use that in lieu of safe sex. It also doesn't prevent penile cancer and is not recommended by the American Cancer Society. Urinary Tract Infections (UTIs) are also a reason a lot of parents site for circumcising their sons. Unfortunately, this claim holds no water as it would take 195 circumcisions to prevent one UTI, which can easily be treated with antibiotics. See this link for more info. Yeast and bacterial infections can occur if the forskin is not properly cared for or if the foreskin is prematurely retracted. These can be treated with antibiotics and creams without unneccesary surgery. Keep in mind that girls get far more infections than boys and our first resort is never to cut their genitals.

So now that we have moved past that issue, what about the hygiene issue? Is a foreskin really that hard to keep clean? As a mom of two intact boys I can tell you it is not at all. Before your son is retractable you do not have to wash under the foreskin at all. In fact you should not attempt to retract the foreskin. It will retract on it's own sometime between two years and puberty. Premature retraction can lead to infections and other complications that can lead a doctor to recommend circumcision. You just clean it like a finger. After the foreskin is retractable all that has to be done is a quick splash of water with the foreskin pulled back and that is it. No harsh soaps needed! We live in a country with running water and there is no reason to be scared of the "unclean" penis. Little boys can be taught to clean their private areas just like little girls. No harsh bristles or clorox bleach needed...just rinse and go!

So let's talk about the father/son penis mismatch scenario. How important is it that a son's penis look like his father's? When a boy sees his father naked and compares himself for the first time the first thing he will probably notice is hair. Should we run out and make a mini-penis toupee so father and son match? Mothers and daughters don't match either. Should we run out and involve plastic surgeon so daughter has breasts to match mom? Of course not! We often project our own insecurities on our children and it is so easy just to say "Back when daddy was a baby he had his foreskin taken off. Now we know that wasn't the best thing to do so we left yours alone so you could have all of your penis." And while we are on the topic let's talk locker room teasing. Who is going to point out somebody's penis is different for fear of being teased for being gay? In the unlikely event it does happen you can teach your son to say "Eww, dude why are you looking at my junk anyways?"

Is the foreskin just a little piece of skin? Not at all! It is a highly sensitive and functional sexual organ.

A foreskin protects the head of the penis, which is by design an internal organ. When the foreskin in removed the head of the penis becomes calloused and desensitized. When the foreskin is removed sexual pleasure in the male is reduced and in women it takes away the gliding action that reduces the need for lubricants. So don't let someone convince you that the foreskin is "just a piece of skin." It is a functional part of the male penis that is an important part of their sexual well being.

Is circumcision safe? I find that most people have heard a foreskin horror story but never a circumcision horror story. The truth is that baby boys are harmed by circumcision. Not only is the penis size and sexual fucntions reduced but there are risks of bleeding, infection, scarring, skin tags, removing too much skin, bowed penis, meteal stenosis, buried penis, skin bridges, loss of penis, and death. These things are 100% preventable by chosing not to circumcise.

Does circumcision cause pain? Yes, it absolutely does. Babies feel pain when they are circumcised. Even if the numbing patch (EMLA) is used the sensation of the foreskin being torn from the glans is like ripping your nail off of your finger. Using any kind of local anesthetic is painful because needles and lidocaine hurt. The recovery is also painful as a raw penis is rubbing up against a soiled diaper and can cause great pain and discomfort. No matter how you slice it (pun intended) this procedure is not pain free. There have been studies that have shown that infants who are circumcised have increased stress hormones and are more sensitive to pain later in life. If a circumcision has to be done as an adult he can be given anesthesia and pain medication. Generally speaking most men don't have to be circumcised as adults. The horror stories that people are eager to share about foreskins often involve a doctor who is not familiar with how to care for the foreskin or problems originating from premature retraction of the foreskin.

Lastly, is circumcision ethical? Is is okay to remove a healthy, functioning body part from someone who is not able to consent? This procedure, once done, cannot be undone. Should we perform surgery to prevent potential disease? We do not perform routine tonsillectomies because we might get recurrent throat infections. We don't pull our teeth out in case we get cavities. Why remove a healthy organ? It makes no sense. Because a circumcision has no proven medical benefits it is technically a cosmetic procedure. Why should it be okay to perform a cosmetic procedure on an unconsenting newborn? And why is it considered a birth defect when a baby is born without a foreskin but "normal" when we take it off a week later? The truth is that people in America have seen the foreskin as a problem for many years when in reality we are the ones that are creating the problem. I have always liked the bumper sticker that says "If a baby was meant to have a foreskin he would have been born with one."

Of course I am not writing this as a criticism or a guilt-laden lecture. I merely want to share with my readers my thoughts and feelings on circumcision based upon my research and personal choices. I highly encourage you to do your own research. Watch a circumcision video and read as much as you can get your hands on. Remember that it is okay for you to make a choice that is against tradition or culture.

Here are some informational websites:

http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/

http://jewishcircumcision.org/

http://www.circumcision.org/

http://www.noharmm.org/home.htm

American Academy of Pediatrics' stance on circumcision:

http://www.aap.org/publiced/br_circumcision.htm

I also want to let you know that if you have chosen to circumcise your boy I am not placing any judgement on you. It is not my intention to make you feel guilty for the choices you have made for your children. I just want to encourage you to question this procedure and do some research on it's benefits and risks.

Off to bathe my baby boy!

The Mirrors

2008-08-28T10:35:00.000-07:00

This morning I came home from dropping the kids off from school and found this:

Aww. He loves me.

More Ways to Get Involved

2008-08-27T15:40:00.000-07:00

I just thought of who more ways to get involved with your community. The first is to Freecycle. Click here to get information and join your local group. It's a great way to get items you are looking for for free and to keep re-usable items out of the landfills. I have used it in the past and it great!

The other thing is to go to meetup.com and find a local organic produce meetup in your area. It is a great way to get organic food for a good price while supporting the community. I love mine...a huge basket full of fruits and veggies for $22! Can't beat it!

Be Green So We Can See Green

2008-08-25T11:41:00.000-07:00

California is nasty.

For those of you who have never been here I will paint you a picture.

Here is a view of the place I live:

The brown air is all pollution. In elementary school we would actually be denied recess because there would be a "stage 1 smog alert." Meaning that the air quality was so bad that it was more harmful for us to go outside than to stay in and miss the exercise. As it stands I am a two pack a day smoker although I have never smoked a cigarette in my life. The air here is so bad that just by breathing in and out I pollute my lungs the equivalent of smoking two packs of cigarettes. When it rains Californians are advised to stay out of the ocean for 72 hours because the rain washes pollution into the ocean in potentially toxic amounts.

What contributes to this awful air quality? Well...

The majority of people who work have to commute. The ridiculous price of housing (another rant altogether) forces a lot of families to drive to higher paying areas.

What else?

Yes...superstores like Wal-Mart kill air quality. Not to mention small businesses and the local economy. There are many reasons I won't shop Wal-Mart. The reason that pertains to this topic is that in order to get the products into a Wal-Mart store many many diesel trucks must travel to and from the warehouse to each Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart also increases vehicle traffic. And if you are concerned about America's economy consider that about 70% of Wal-Mart's products are made in China. And it's workers are paid pathetically. While it may be good on our pocketbooks to shop at Wal-Mart, in the long run it is putting many Americans out of work and harming the economy. You can read more here.

What else?

Call me a tree-hugger, I take it as a compliment. Trees take in carbon dioxide and give off oxygen. They are our natural air purifiers. Cutting down trees is like taking away our air. Which brings me to my next point:

This is a topic I could really go on about. Instead of telling you why recycling is important I am going to give you tips on how to re-use and reduce your waste:

-Buy re-usable grocery bags. Then use them. Some stores offer incentives for bringing your own bags. Trader Joe's holds a monthly raffles for it's earth friendly customers.

-Stop using plastic bottles. They contain chemicals that can leach into your drinking water and they stay in a landfill for 70 years. Buy yourself a Klean Kanteen and re-use it. They are re-usable, recyclable, and BPA free.

-Use cloth diapers. They are a huge money saver and not as difficult to use as your grandma might lead you to believe. Nowadays you don't have to mess with pins and leaks are pretty minimal. Disposable diapers are a huge landfill burden and contain chemicals you may not be aware of. Xylene, ethylbenzene, styrene, and isopropylbenzene are just a few that have been found. Some have been linked to asthma and other health problems. They are also scented, which is another irritant.

Buy organic. Preferably locally. Less pesticides=less pollution. Less time food has to travel to store=less pollution. This is goes for both produce and meat.

Don't support factory farms. I am not saying you have to go 100% vegetarian but I highly recommend that you watch this video to get an idea of how factory farms work. I also want you to watch The True Cost of Food so that you can see how buying meat and produce from Super Centers and non-local farmers affects everything from the economy to the environment and our very health. If you do chose to eat meat make sure your cows are grass fed.

If you don't need a Hummer, don't buy a Hummer! I am just ashamed that car companies produced the electric car several years ago then pulled it and started mass-manufacturing SUVS and Hummers. I'm not only ashamed, I am pissed. By now there should be electric cars everywhere on the road. Who killed the Electric Car? Check this out:

Clean up after your pets. I don't like dog poo in my drinking water supply. Please be responsible. Also, properly dispose of oils, paints, and other hazardous household products. My tap water is cloudy with floaties when it first comes out of the faucet. I am thankful for my Brita filter but I know I am still ingesting chemicals that are harmful.

Stop using commercial laundry detergents. Ever notice they don't list their ingredients? It's because they are full of chemicals. You really do not need all those suds and bubbles to get clean clothes. You are probably doing yourself more harm than good plus the plastic bottles that the detergents and fabric softeners come in go into landfills. Instead of Tide and Downy try Charlie's Soap or Maggie's Soap Nuts. I have used both and I think they are both excellent products. Plus the people I have spoken to at both companies are so nice!

I hope I have provided you with some good information. I am not trying to guilt anyone into my suggestions or to criticize anyone who shops at Wal-Mart or drives an SUV. My intention is to provide you with some good information that will help you impact your health and the health of others around you for generations to come.

Thanks for reading. I know this was a long one.

It's a Jeep Thing,

2008-08-23T19:48:00.000-07:00

So today my hubby and I decided to take the Jeep out off-roading. It was relaxing just getting out in nature, away from the sounds of the city. After stopping at a local tiny local liquor store to get a pack of Big League Chew and a vanilla Charleston we ventured off the beaten path and found ourselves at a cool little stream in the valley. At this point he wanted to show me how to climb some smaller rocks and here in this video you will see me get myself right stuck. For the record, I did have myself some successful climbs right before this one:

So I decided this was a perfect moment to do a mini-video blog. Here it is:

It was a fun trip. Here are a few pics:

Me and Midge hanging out:

The happy couple:

Midge got really wet so we went ahead and let him wade in his birthday suit. Although his tushie is the cutest I did appropriately censor it for young eyes:

Overall it was a great trip.

Charlie! Charlie! Charlie! Charlie!

2008-08-22T11:20:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I never saw this before. I can't stop quoting it lately.

Shhhhuuuuunnnnnuuuhhhh!

Disclaimer: Probably not appropriate for all ages. I recommend that you preview this before letting your kids see.

Feed Me!

2008-08-21T09:09:00.000-07:00

I installed a feed so I can figure out if anyone actually reads this blog and lo and behold...people do!

I have a list of unanswered questions this morning. The majority are rhetorical but nonetheless they still plague me daily:

1. Are ants facing such a famine outdoors that they are forced to come indoors and eat the drippings of my Juicy Couture sugar body scrub of the jar? I think it would really give them severe diarreha considering the sugar is coated in oil. And if that happens why do they come back?

2. Why can't people say "vaginal?" Granted it doesn't roll off the tongue like "penile" but I can't understand why it's so hard. I hate it when people ask me if I had natural birth. I tell them yes, then they ask me if I had drugs. Didn't they just ask me that? No, they were afraid to ask me if I had a vaginal birth. Say it with me: vaaag-gin-nuuull. Use it in a sentence: I was so embarrassed because I passed gas during my last vaginal exam. Still trying to stifle that giggle? Me too...passing gas is funny.

3. Why do toddlers only want what is potentially harmful, lethal, or can cause long term damage? When you pull them out of danger they scream, yell, kick and flail as if to say "But mom, I like brain damage!"

4. Why can't the people running the Starbucks drive-thru let me make my own choices? Why do they offer me a fabulous non-fat carmel mocha latte frappachino and a chocolate chip cookie before I have a chance to speak? Although Chris at the Starbucks here has lured me a couple of times, I'll admit. And I didn't like the honey latte at all. Sorry Chris, but you are still my favorite barista.

5. And while I'm on the subject of Starbucks why does a soy drink cost more? In my experience soy is actually cheaper than cow's milk.

Okay, that is it for this morning. I have some errands to run and I need to finish up washing my cloth diapers so that I can pack my diaper bag. I still need about 6-8 more to get me through comfortably. For the record, I love the BumGenius pocket brand. I think that is the one I am going to be sticking with from now on.

Tired Tyrant (aka: Terribly Touchy Toddler)

2008-08-18T14:49:00.000-07:00

Why do we never fully appreciate sleep until we are too old to have time for it?

The last week or so Midge has decided that sleep is for suckers and that the crib is equivalent to a concentration camp for babies. Usually his fears peak between midnight and 2am. He just doesn't want to be in there for anything. I have tried putting him in our bed but he is all over and my fear is that he will go headfirst off our king sized bed and get a bruise worthy of a CPS call. To top that off he refuses to nap. He staggers like someone put a nipple on some Fat Tire and allowed him to suck himself into a drunken stupor. Every small simple task that doesn't go as planned is met with a shrill scream, red face and a funny foot stomping charade that looks like a Mexican hat dance. He yawns, rubs his eyes, and looks dazed but is determined that sleep will not overtake him. It's a self-inflicted type of misery. Kinda sadistic if you ask me.

To add pain to misery the kids just started school again and now we have to rise early to be gone at no later than 7:30. Then I have to take him to pick the kids up right before noon and right before 2pm. Poor kid's schedule is just wacky.

So as uncrunchy as this sounds I have resorted to allowing him to fuss in the crib. I have concluded that this is for his own good. I just have no other options. Either I have a complete mess of a child on my hands or I let him cry and crash out in the crib. I try putting him to sleep first but once his head hits the mattress and he realizes that he is back in baby jail he wakes up and jumps to his feet in protest.

I have to ponder the cruelness of this whole scenario. I mean if I was that tired and I had the chance to go to sleep I would rejoice and jump in bed in a heartbeat. If I am that tired now I knock back some caffeine and try not to kill anyone with my overtired outbursts. I pray for a moment of sleep...just the right situation where I can lay my head down and rest and the kids will be safe and cared for. The laundry would do itself and the dinner would be on the table when I woke up. Ah, to dream. But in order to dream I need to sleep. DANGIT!

Mommy Olympics 2008

2008-08-13T17:34:00.000-07:00

I think I will be hosting my own mommy Olympics this year. While I admire those who train their entire lives for the Olympics I think that motherhood is just as deserving of medals and cermonies. So I present to you...the Mommy Olympics 2008!

Opening Ceremony:

Begins with last year's winner who walks up the steps in her Crocs and sweatpants and lights five Nuva-Rings aglow. Then she lets go 2 helium balloons that her kids got at the grocery store on the way over. She then turns and announces the games will begin by saying, "Don't make me come down these steps or so help me..." The crowd cheers and the games begin.

Events include:

The Longest Aisle

This event consists of you bringing a tired toddler into Walmart with you just to pick up a bag of Pull-Ups...or so it seems. Then you chase down a WalMart employee to actually help you when you can't reach the size you need on the top shelf. She who makes it the longest without a toddler tantrum wins the gold.

Lake of Legos

You go to put your soundly sleeping baby down for a nap when you come across a sea of legos your 5 year old left. Try and step on and over the legos without waking up your sleeping infant. If you step on a lego you are not eliminated unless you cry out in pain and grab your foot. Fastest mom to the crib gets the gold.

Barf-a-thon

This event is a surprise event where moms wake suddenly from sound sleep at 1am to the sound of chunks being hurled onto freshly cleaned comforters. First mom has to grab the hair of the child and hold it back. Then mom has to try to aim the child's head towards the comforter and not allow vomit to spill on the floor. After that mom has to dash the comforter into the wash. After that mom has to pick out of the washer the leftover whole chunks of pre-digested food. This challenge is scored on three factors: quickest response time to child, longest gag stifle, and one who removes hot dog chunks from the washer in the quickest time. Points are deducted for vomit on the floor. Vomiting along with sick child is grounds for elimination.

Vegetable Incognito Relay

Moms are placed in a kitchen full of vegetables and food processors. The one that can hide the most vegtables in a serving of meatloaf (ounce for ounce) without the child rejecting the food wins gold. French fries are not vegetables and are not permitted.

Sour Milk Crawl

A sippy cup full of rotten milk is left in a car in a place that no person would ever think to look. Be the first to locate the cup of foul hot yogurt and win gold.

PTA Plunge

This is very simple: get fundraiser packet from child's school and beg, plead, guilt, pester, and cajole all friends and family to buy a useless piece of junk for $14.99 so that junior can earn a pen that lights up at the end of the month. She who is able to sell the most gets the gold medal and will be receiving all the useless junk back as Christmas gifts.

Birth Blockbuster

Mothers are given an opportunity to utilize their creativity and create a documentary on the birth of their child. A special effects crew is available for all scenes with explosions, car wrecks, bloody husbands, and aliens pushing their way out of your nether-regions. She who produces the film with the most parental warnings and and at least a PG-13 rating will win gold. Judges will be women who have never had babies and probably never will after seeing these documentaries.

The end of the Mommy Olympics will be a bunch of nursing mothers breastfeeding in protest in front of a store that asked a mother nursing twins to leave the week prior. That will be followed by a bunch of minivans trying to leave the parking lot to get their kids back home for soccer practice. Most will be on their cell phones ordering pizza because it is too late to make dinner. The stragglers will be those who had to change poopy diapers in the back of their minivans before leaving.

For all moms who read my blog I just want to tell you that you rock!!! You can all be on my team next year. Motherhood is not for wimps and I am glad I am in it with you all.

My Happy List

2008-08-12T21:34:00.000-07:00

PMS hit me like a ton of bricks this week. I went from fine to craptastic in a matter of a few hours. Stephen pretty much decided he was suicidal. He decided to push my buttons the other day and he almost hit that one red button that sends off the alarms and flashing lights. You know the one...where the lady's voice repeats over the loudspeakers: "Self destructing in 10 seconds, self-destructing in 9 seconds...." It's a good thing he made it out alive.

So as I sit here waiting for my "please don't kill me" chocolate chip cookie dough to arrive home at 9:34pm I decided I will write a list of ten things that make me happy. So without further hesitation:

10. Orange blossoms. Best smell in the world!

9. Grande iced soy mochas, no whip.

8. The sound of the ocean at night.

7. Being able to see the stars.

6. Walking in the rain.

5. Finding an extra $20 you didn't know you had.

4. Morning cuddle time.

3. Hearing Midge say "Mama" in his tiny raspy voice.

2. A massage and adjustment...just feeling relaxed.

1. The feeling of all three kiddos putting their arms around me at the same time and showering me with affection.

Now you probably thought the Happy List was over. Sorry, I have one more to make. This one is for my hubby, who needs the redemption. While I really want to call it the "10 Reasons Stephen Is Still Alive" list I will settle for "10 Reasons I Love My Husband."

10. That great butt...dang!

9. He is so good with the kids.

8. He works hard and puts up with a lot and still has a smile.

7. He envies pregnant women.

6. His dimples.

5. His naive midwestern mentality.

4. His support with my new business.

3. The way he can't keep his filthy paws off of me.

2. He bought me tampons when we first started dating.

1. He is my best friend.

Adventures in Cloth Diapering

2008-08-10T14:17:00.000-07:00

Seems like every five days or so, whether I wanted to or not, I found myself in the diaper aisle at Target to buy the only disposable earth-friendly, chlorine-free diaper that doesn't leak on my toddler. I plunk down roughly $10 a pop. So the math is:

Every 5 days at the store = 6 times a month.
6 x $10= $60 a month.
$60 a month for roughly 30 months= $1800

Not including any unforseen need for night time Pull-Ups or regression that is a huge chunk of change.

Common sense tells me that money could better be spent on other things. Plus, the earth would really love it if I stopped filling it's landfills. So I jumped on the cloth diaper bandwagon along with many of my friend and other crunchy mom aquaintances.

So today was my first experience with the cloth diaper. Noah didn't seem to mind it at all. I used a Thirsties cover along with a bleach free prefolds. I was really excited...until he pooped. Crap! (pun intended)

It happened to leak out of the cloth and onto the diaper cover so I removed the whole thing and put him back in a disposable until I could wash everything. I only bought one diaper cover to start, and within 15 minutes it was a goner.

So now came the messy part, removing the "solid" waste from the cloth. I shook it over the potty, only to leave myself a huge mess to clean up. "Okay, first time is always hardest. It will get easier," I tell my bystander husband who is watching me, waiting for the smallest indication that this change from disposables to cloth is a bad move. I carefully walk the soiled pile to the washer, throw in some handy dandy Soap Nuts and soak everything in cold for 15 minutes before washing.

When all was said and done I survived my first poopy cloth diaper experience and I don't have any urge to run back to Target and buy disposables. Yay!

Now where are my birkenstocks?

My Newest Title!

2008-08-10T14:10:00.000-07:00

I have been known as daughter, sister, cousin, mom, aunt, friend, and a respiratory therapist. My bilingual niece calls me "tia." Me...a tia! I love it!! Now I have taken on a new role that I am thrilled about....Doula.

A woman will always remember the way she is made to feel during her birth.

Why does that mean so much to me? I suppose it is because I remember how I was made to feel during my births and if I knew then what I know now I would have done things differently.
As a NICU Respiratory Therapist I saw so many interventions done at births. I watched frightened moms on their backs with babies being sucked out with vacuums and then the babies were handed to us where we were supposed to rub them, flick their feet, and make them scream until they were completely pink. The idea of putting baby to breast as soon as possible was scoffed at by many nurses who felt it wasn't important. I began to feel like I was only doing very few of these babies a service. Later on I learned that the United States has the second highest infant mortality rate of all the developed countries in the world. I also learned that we are the country with the lowest number of home births. Birthing here is a billion dollar industry and as a country we spend the most amount of money per birth out of any other developed country and the outcomes are still statistically poor. Why? We are letting our mothers and infants down here in a big way, and sadly, I think it is because hospitals have pretty much taken over the birthing process.

Now I am not saying that hospitals and doctors are not important. Most certainly they have their place in some births. There are some amazing doctors out there who have saved babies and I give them much credit. However, not all women need to be in a hospital to have their baby. In fact, being in a hospital can cause a mom to have unnecessary interventions, which lead to more interventions, which leads to more interventions...which leads to problems. For instance, an epidural is a great form of pain relief but it often slows labor and Pitocin is given to speed things along. Pitocin increases the strength and duration of the contractions, which stresses the baby. The baby's stress shows up on the monitor and now they have mom on oxygen. Finally, the baby is not tolerating the hard labor brought on by the Pitocin, the doctor comes in and declares he/she needs to do a c-section, and now we have a major surgery being done to mom and baby. There is a correlation between the use of Pitocin and c-sections. And, FYI, most c-sections are done at 4pm and 10pm. Interesting....

So how do I tie into all of this?

I have decided to become a doula. A doula is a woman experienced in childbirth who provides continuous physical , emotional, and informational support to the mother before, during and just after childbirth. She is usually self employed therefore works for the mother and her family and not for other institutions such as a hospital, Dr. or Midwife.

So what will this do? Well...

Benefits of having a trained doula*:

50% reduction in caesarean births
25% shorter labor
60% reduction in epidural requests
40% reduction in oxytocin use
30% reduction in analgesic use
40% reduction in forceps delivery

*From Mothering the Mother by Klaus, Kennell, and Klaus

With the rise of autism, ADHD, and other behavioral problems why are we spending tons of money on drugs to treat these problems instead of looking at what we are doing to our kids? Look at the way they were born...was it a drugged Pitocin mess? How about looking at other factors, such as food additives, baby formula, the effect of circumcision on an infant's brain, the effects of seperating mom and baby, and the additives in vaccinations. As parents we need to demand more information. As a doula I can provide a mom with that information. I can help a mom have the birth she wants, rather than the birth that everyone else thinks she should have.

Now if a mom wants to have a hospital birth that is fine with me. I had two myself. I am just there to help her through her contractions. I am there with a gentle touch, reassuring word, counterpressure, or a wet washcloth. I am there to help dad feel comfortable and to show him ways he can be helpful.

I have chosen to become a doula because I believe I have a direct effect on the well being of mothers and babies in my area. I want to pursue the information women need to make informed choices. I want to be there for those miraculous moments. I want to help a mom through the hardest journey of her life.

I highly recommend the documentary "The Business Of Being Born."

It is going to be a fantastic journey.

Birth Junkie

2008-08-04T12:45:00.000-07:00

May 1st was really my last post? Really? Geez.

Update: Midge is fine. Just had a nasty virus. No hospitalization needed. He recovered on the 6th day. We have been through hand foot and mouth disease as well since the mystery illness and all is well now in the house.

I'm an official birth junkie now. I have been through a doula training course in San Diego where I have started my journey to become a birth doula.

A do-what?

From Wikipedia:

A doula is a non-medical assistant who provides various forms of non-medical support (physical, emotional and informed choice) in the childbirth process. Based on a particular doulas training and background, the doula may offer support during prenatal care, during childbirth and/or during the postpartum period. A birth doula is a continuous care provider for labor in many settings. Thus a labor doula may attend a home birth or might attend the parturient woman during labor at home and continue while in transport and then complete supporting the birth at a hospital or a birth center.

I just attended my first birth on Friday morning and it was fantastic.

I want to write more but Midge needs my attention. He's tired and we have to go pick up Nee Nee from her 3rd day of second grade.

Day Five of High Fever

2008-05-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

I spent my day in the ER yesterday with a very hot Midge. He has been ill since Sunday morning with a high fever. They did a strep test and catheterized him for urine (not fun at all) while we were there. They came out scratching their heads and chalking it up to a virus.

I was told by the emergency resident that if he still continues to have a fever this weekend that I was to bring him back on Sunday and they will draw labs and admit him to the hospital.

Please pray for my little guy. He is really not himself. I am really tired, my house looks like a tornado went through it and I am worried about my tiny guy.

Thanks.

Flaco y Gorda

2008-04-28T19:38:00.000-07:00

My husband's diet:

Breakfast- If he has it it usually consists of a Mountain Dew, cookies, or if he can get to a Farmer Boys it can contain an omelett with extra cheese and hashbrowns with cheese.

Lunch- Two double cheeseburgers, no lettuce, no tomato, ketchup only. Fries, large Coke.

Dinner- Two tacos, just meat and cheese, extra cheese, chips.

Snack- Lays potato chips and ranch dip or Club crackers with Easy Cheese.

First of all, I don't know how the man poops. Seriously, if I ate like that I would be as bloated as a whale. There is no fiber in his diet.

Secondly, he is actually fit. He has put on a few pounds over the last year but he still looks great. We got life insurance and his bloodwork came back so good we got the preferred rate. I think science needs to examine him. He either is not human, or he has super DNA that needs to be cloned.

In comparison, here is my diet:

Breakfast- Kashi sprinkled over greek yogurt, coffee

Lunch- Salad, whole grain pasta, green tea.

Dinner- Free range, antibiotic and hormone free chicken, a veggie, and cous cous.

Snack- Flax seed chips and salsa.

And here I am struggling with the last 20 pounds of my pregnancy weight. At church yesterday we had a slideshow of our camping trip with a rear view of my booty and I was horrified to find it was like looking at a mobile home on a trailer. I simply do not understand. I am in perpetual motion with the three kids always needing me, and yet I can't shed the pounds. I am even nursing, which burns 500 calories a day. When I brush my teeth I do leg lifts on the ledge of my tub. Why am I a holding on to the junk in my trunk?

I guess it's not all bad, I am getting good use out of my maternity jeans. *sigh*

Ode to the Load

2008-04-22T21:15:00.000-07:00

Crumpled piles four feet high
I raise my eyebrows, give a heavy sigh
For the clothes just seem to mock my grief
The shirts, the jeans, even the sheets
With ketchup stains and grassy knees
Armed to the teeth with Shout and Febreeze
On top of the dryer lives a herd of linty shapes
At my feet, lonely socks are searching for mates
Checking each pocket, then checking them twice
Reading the tags, ignoring advice
Stacks of laundry take over my den
Turn my back on my toddler, fold them again
The bottom of a hamper is a beautiful sight
As I finish my washing for the night
Tomorrow my grateful family will say,
"Why don't I have anything to wear today?"

A Day of Firsts

2008-04-20T14:37:00.000-07:00

We celebrated Midge's first birthday yesterday. Stephen and I made his first birthday cake, which is a project we both really enjoyed.

We had made another bear cake, which we let him demolish in traditional one year birthday fashion:

It was also the day that we saw Midge take his first steps. The best we got was about five steps but despite the sugar high he was on he couldn't muster the courage to keep going and plopped his rear on the carpet. We caught it on video, which gives us another of those invisible parenting medals.

Today we had Midge dedicated at church, which was cool. He was really facinated with the lights and the praise team and after it was over we "walked" him into the nursery in big boy fashion.

A year old...doesn't even seem possible.

Boy Cooties

2008-04-15T11:26:00.000-07:00

The first weekend of this month Stephen and I went camping with our small group from church. During the trip Stephen started complaining of a sore throat. It was pretty bad and I encouraged him to see a doctor when we arrived home but he is stubborn and refused.

So our camping gear is still sitting in our formal living room. Still. I can't unpack it all myself because it is heavy and Stephen has probably forgotten it exists.

Now here is where I have to reveal a secret about my spouse that I wasn't planning on telling anyone but it ties into the story so here goes...he wears my deodorant. He insists that it works better and that it smells better. Ooookay. I bought him his own but it was unscented and he wanted to smell powder fresh. Again, oooookay. So he has been putting my feminine deodorant on his stinky pits. I can hear the commercial now..."Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!"

Stephen has used up the last of my deodorant and I remember there is some in the suitcase downstairs buried under camping gear so I go downstairs. I open up the suitcase and there I see a disturbing sight....his toothbrush.

I count the days since we have arrived back at home from camping...seven. Seven days that his toothbrush has been packed away. I try to recall if his breath was horribly stinky the last time we kissed. Yuck yuck yuck! I love the guy...but this is where the line gets drawn.

So I call him and the conversation goes like this:

Him: Hey, what's up?
Me: Do you realize your toothbrush has been packed away since the camping trip?
Him: Uh-huh.
Me: Have you been brushing your teeth?
Him: Uh-huh. I have been using your toothbrush.
Me: Uhhh huh.

I dropped it because I was really too baffled to decode the male mind and how it works.

Man is sick.

Man doesn't see his toothbrush.

Man grabs what toothbrush he finds.

Man brushes teeth with it.

Man doesn't tell owner of toothbrush.

Man repeats process for a week.

Wife wakes up with a sore throat.

DOH!

My First Troufeey.

2008-04-14T09:18:00.000-07:00

NeeNee won her first trophy for that very cheer! Her team took home first place in the junior division and a spirit award.

She was so proud!

And to make sure everyone knew how she felt about her "troufeey" she made signs for it:

GO TIGERS!!!!

The Worth of a Mommy

2008-04-08T22:10:00.000-07:00

Full time stay at home moms are not given the credit they deserve.

I can't think of a job that encompasses more job titles:

Childcare provider- aka "Diaper Changer Extraordinaire"

Maid- Pigsty lectures only get you so far.

Chef- "I don't like this. I want peanut butter and jelly."

Chauffer- Forget the limo...bring on the minivan with DVD!

Nurse- Able to list off each kid's individual dosage of Tylenol without pause according to weight and age.

Crime scene investigator- Evidence weighs heavy when trying to figure out who wrote on the wall with marker.

Judge- "How do you plead on the accusation of marking on the wall with a Sharpie?"

Jury- "I find you guilty on all counts of marking up the wall with black permanent ink."

Executioner- "As punishment you will sit in the corner for five minutes and when you come out you must help mommy clean the wall."

Jailer- "If you get out of time out I will add minutes to your time."

Financial consultant- "That's too expensive, put it back."

Butler- Ever answering calls for water at 2am.

Bank- "Here are four tokens, go play Skeeball."

Laundromat- It literally never ever stops.

Policewoman- "You are in violation of rule 182 that states you may not get up from the table until you ask to be excused."

Referee- "I saw what you did to your sister. Time out for you buddy!" (Refer to executioner and jailer descriptions.)

Fashionista- "Those do not match, go back to your room and put on the outfit I laid out for you."

Educator- "Yes, daddy's expensive watch will flush down the toilet."

Plumber- Usually fishing for toys or stopping toilet overflow (see above).

Milk Maid- Nothing like a screaming infant pulling on your shirt at the store.

Chief Negotiator- "If you are good on this shopping trip I will let you pick out a treat."

Historian- Baby book keeper, photographer, sentimental keepsakes saver.

Nutritionist- "Pretend your broccoli is a tree and eat it like a dinosaur."

Speech Therapist- "Say dada. Daaaahhh dahhhh. Daaaaahhh dahhhhh."

Secretary- Arranges playdates, doctor's appointments, and Gymboree.

Courier- "I've gotta run two dozen cookies to Jr's class today."

Cheerleader- Sits at every sporting event and roots for her favorite player.

Defense attorney- Because that bully at school is going to pay!

Nurturer- This is the most important job of all. One that defines our career and makes us unique in our jobs.

Today my eleven month old son was sick. Last night he was up five times. He was pretty pitiful. I had to wake him up from a nap to pick up Bear and he laid over my shoulder and patted my back affectionately. To him, I am everything. There is nobody above me. No concept of God...nothing greater than mommy. I am the healer of all things yucky. By the end of the day I was covered in snotty smears and as tired as I was I longed to pick him up for one last warm baby hug complete with back patting action. I turned up the baby monitor so I could hear every noisy breath, every cough. No matter that I might wake up more often, I just wanted to hear every movement he makes. He is everything to me, but to him I am all he knows and the only person he trusts to keep him safe. For that I am honored.

There is no way to pay a mom. No monetary value you can place on what she does day in and day out. Truly moms shape our world and can influence a whole generation...what other job gives us that kind of responsibility?

The last four months that I have been unemployed have been busy. I love my new job staying at home, but there is truly nothing quite as diificult or exhausting and I wouldn't trade my position for anything else in the world.

Kick Em When They're Up, Kick Em When They're Down

2008-02-08T09:29:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday I had a bad headache and just felt bad overall. That night my throat started hurting. I didn't want to eat or drink. Then my glands in my neck swelled up and my throat felt like it was on fire. I waited a day and existed on 4 Advil every six hours. On Thursday I was in tears because I hurt so much despite the Advil. I called and made a doctor's appointment for that afternoon knowing I was going to have to pay out of pocket for everything because we are still uninsured.

Right before I left for my doctor's appointment I got a call from the Respiratory Therapy consultant for the new hospital where I interviewed at. He told me that because I don't have my RRT that I will not be able to be the supervising respiratory therapist. I spoke with him (the best I could with how much it hurt to talk) and told him that I was working on it but it didn't seem to sway him any. So basically that door was slammed in my face.

Feeling as if I just got kicked in the stomach, Midge and I went to the doctor's office. They confirmed my suspicion that I had strep throat and sent me off with a prescription.

The pharmacy couldn't fill my prescription for an hour and a half and so I went home, where I started feeling worse than ever. I could feel my temp spike up and my throat hurt so badly I stuck my lower jaw out and tears ran out of my eyes. I couldn't even swallow. I had to keep a towel by me so I wouldn't drool. Luckily my grandpa came to the rescue, picking up my prescription and bringing me some ice cream and a slushie. I finally was on the road to recovery.

My husband came home and the rest of the night I spent sucking on ice cubes and bravely swallowing the ice cold water down even though it hurt like crazy.

This morning I feel better even though I am still at square one. My throat is still sore but it's not as bad as it was. I am eating ice as a type. I had ice cream for breakfast but the sweetness burned too much. My glands are not as swollen and I don't feel achy. I am still planning on staying at home in my jammies for most of the day.

Thanks to everyone who was so encouraging with me getting the job. I have to wonder what God wants me to do. Midge has gotten to the point where he cries if I am not around all the time so I hate to think of leaving him full time. My bank account cries when I am not working.

The next chapter begins....

The Interview

2008-01-24T19:28:00.000-08:00

I got back from the big interview a couple hours ago. I spent the last couple days picking out a business suit (a first for me) and updating my resume and getting pep talks left and right.

I arrived 15 minutes early and made pals with someone there who liked classic cars (go figure). Then I was sent back to meet the Chief Nurse Executive and the Director of Outpatient Services. They were both nice and we settled in for an hour and fifteen minute interview. I told them about my career and why I think I am right for the position and then they asked me a series of questions about my leadership skills and I asked them questions about the position and what they expected of me.

The hard part was that I had to explain why I was no longer working at my old job. I turned it into a positive by assuring them I am "driven" to get my registry exam done now that the opportunity has been taken away from me. They seemed satisfied with that.

The good points were that the Chief Nurse Executive commented on how organized I was and how good my resume looked. She ended the interview saying that she wants to give opportunites to people.

I have two more interviews, one with the CEO of the hospital and one with a prominent physician who I already know. I know I am up against one other therapist for the job and so we shall see...

Overall I think it went well. Continue your prayers and positive thoughts for me!

Could This Be What God Has For Me?

2008-01-22T13:34:00.000-08:00

I have a JOB INTERVIEW on Thursday at 4pm!!!

Wait, it gets better...

I had applied at a hospital that is currently in the process of being built. They are a surgical hospital that is physician owned. I thought it would be neat to help form a department and I was hoping to get an interview.

When I called about two weeks ago I was told that the hospital needed to hire a respiratory supervisor before they could hire staff so I probably wouldn't hear back until June. I was disappointed but kept looking for a new job.

Well today I got a call and the woman in Human Resources called me and asked me if I wanted to interview for the supervisor position! I couldn't believe it...I really expected that they might have already have had therapists in mind for that position. I agreed to the interview and now I am set for Thursday at 4pm.

I am already looking for a professional business outfit and I am printing my resume out on nicer paper to give to them. I am hoping to walk in there and knock their socks off. I am going to interview with a large group of influential people in the hospital so it's going to be tough.

Keep me in your prayers...I need this job!

Thanks!

The Dirty 30's!!! (aka I Got Older)

2008-01-17T22:14:00.000-08:00

On the 15th I turned 30.

I didn't have a major crisis. I didn't whine about feeling old.

I believe I just smiled and said "My next 10 years will be so much better than the last."

Atta girl!

Quiet You Brats! Mama's Watching Her Stories!

2008-01-17T21:11:00.000-08:00

So I am on week two of being out of the "work force." Between eating my bon-bons and watching my "stories" in my bathrobe and rollers I pretend to look for work and enroll in school but don't sign up for any classes. I then take Stephen's check and blow it on a new turkey fryer and a box of Twinkies at the Walmart. After that I move the car engine out of the bathtub so I can take a bath and drink Pabst Blue Ribbon out of a Dixie cup.

Okay, so that's not the way it has gone, but I like fabricating stories around stereotypes.

It's been good and bad being a full time mom. I love my three monkeys so much. It's been great to feel available to them. I have also been attending church on Sunday and I am able to eat lunch with the family on Fridays (our tradition). I also have the house more kept up and the kids are in more of a routine. The only thing that sucks is that there are these things called "bills" that keep coming in the mail. Sometimes they disguise themselves as "statements" or "invoices" but they are the same thing. They are all people who think that I have money to give them. I want to chuckle when I see the amounts they think I have sitting here waiting to give them...the fools! You need a job to have that kind of money!

So back to the age old debate...should mama take her precious children and place them in the care of someone else so she can work and bring home the bacon or should she watch her husband work 14 hour days and count pennies until they are self-sufficient and she can again go to work without guilt?

It's really not an easy answer...especially since Stephen is self-employed and it's not like he can just work overtime. It's kind of wild and stupid at the same time...like floating down the Mississippi without a paddle or a chastity belt (think Deliverance).

I am not sure what is going to happen yet. Today was a bad day...I was wondering if someone might actually pay me if I had to become an exotic dancer. I took comfort knowing that if they didn't like what they saw they could pay me to put my clothing back on. When I start thinking in those terms then you know things are a bit stressful. And to those who are appalled at my thought...get over it. If you haven't been down and out enough to have this thought then you really need to experience life a little more.

I don't want people worrying about me. We will make it. It's a time for change and growing. We are out of our comfort zone and it's probably good for us. Just keep us in your prayers that God points us in the right direction soon.

Fabulous!

2008-01-11T18:22:00.001-08:00

My five year old just sang the word "fabulous."

I am so glad he did because it brought this SNL treasure back to the front of my mind.

Enjoy!

Homocil

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Update: The Job Situation

2007-12-26T16:06:00.000-08:00

Thanks to everyone who has been so wonderfully supportive and willing to do whatever they can to help me in my current situation with my career. It meant a lot to me to know that so many people have my back. :-)

Not much has changed. I still can't take the exam, although I have been pushing with the National Board for Respiratory Care. I found out I am missing two classes (chemistry and physics) and if I took those classes that I could take the exam but I wouldn't be able to get my AS. I have already started looking into schools.

I have already come to terms with the fact that I will no longer be working at my hospital. It was a part of my identity for 5 years and so the transition will be tough. I have the option to rush into another job or to collect unemployment. I have decided to opt for unemployment for this moment as I go back to school. I think I would be filling up my plate too full to try and work and go to school with all three kidlets. If I go back to school at least I will be able to take the exam and get my RRT credential that I can take anywhere, and that includes being re-hired at my old job.

I have already put in an application for the kids to get Healthy Families insurance. I wish I could COBRA out my current benefits but it would be far too expensive. Stephen and I will just try not to get hurt or sick.

My only frustration with this whole thing was that I wasn't given more than a month's warning that I would lose my job, and when I did find out that I needed more time to go to school I was refused that time. It isn't ethical. I did consider hiring a lawyer but that can be a two way street. I may win, but even if I do I will be permanently marked as "The RT That Sues" and I don't think it would be worth it.

Thanks to everyone who has been so sweet to me. It's been a pretty emotional time, especially since it was going on during the holidays.

Gotta run....here goes nothing!

Shock

2007-12-21T21:51:00.000-08:00

One of my dear friends, Carey, was just diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia. She is only 37 and has two young children.

Please send your prayers for her. She's just a wonderful mom and friend, I love having her in my life.

Love you Carey.

Pushing Back Tears With Faith

2007-12-18T18:19:00.000-08:00

Proverbs 3:5,6 says: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

This has got to be one of my favorite Bible verses of all times. It reminds me of a big cozy blanket on a cold night. Many times in my life I have trusted and looking back I knew that the Lord knew what was right all along.

Tonight I sit here slowly absorbing that my career might be ending soon against my wishes. The tears keep trying to sneak up on me but I push them back. The kids are here and I don't want them to worry because mommy is upset.

To truly understand what is happening to me, you have to know a bit of background. I graduated from a vocational college ten years ago without my AS degree but I took my CRRT exam to become a Respiratory Care Practitioner and I passed. Now a step above that exam is the RRT, which is a national registry and given by the National Board for Respiratory Care. I graduated from college "Registry Eligible," meaning that I was able to take the RRT exam. Years passed and I had my kids, went inactive for awhile when I was staying at home, and returned to work in 2004. I went to work for a large medical center where I soon became a relief lead for pediatrics, was a member of the highly regarded transport team, and precepted other therapists. My experience has made me a huge asset to the department and my co-workers are like family. The last two years of my life were nuts. I was divorced, a single mom, then remarried, then pregnant, then I had major surgery, then I had my baby, and coming back from maternity leave I decided I would have to get my RRT exam done. Administration had been asking this of us for awhile but it had never been a priority because my personal life was so crazy.

I applied for my RRT exam but was unable to determine by the selections I was given how I qualified to take the exam. I called the NBRC and asked them which box I was supposed to check and they told me that two years ago they started requiring an AS degree to take the exam. I told them I graduated "registry eligible" so I should be grandfathered in but they refused and when I argued further the lady on the other end of the phone told me to get another job. I hung up very upset and went to my manager with my predicament. She was very understanding and even went up to bat for me, writing a letter to complain about how I was treated and sending it to the NBRC. I let her know that I was going to look into going back to school and she was supportive and told me to let her know what was going on.

I looked into different colleges and one college in particular wanted $17k for me to finish my AS degree. I wasn't sure if this was going to be my best bet so I looked into other schools. We had to weigh out costs and time, as going back to school with three kids and a full time job would be hard.

Two weeks ago I got a letter from Administration telling the therapists in my department that by January 1st, 2008 all RTs would be required to have passed or at least attempted the RRT exam. Those who didn't would have their positions terminated.

I wrote a letter to my manager, administrator, and executive director explaining my situation and how I would be unable to take the RRT exam due to circumstances beyond my control and asked them if I should be concerned about my job. I was called into my manager's office and she told me that it didn't look good because they were unable to make exceptions for this rule because otherwise they would be playing favorites and it might open them to lawsuits. They were unable to hold my position while I went back to school. Basically, their hands were tied and they had to let me go. She did recommend that I try writing out my goals for them. She said that she couldn't promise anything, but they could try. I told her I would.

(I hope I'm not losing you guys...hang in there for a little longer.)

My vocational college had closed down years ago so I had to do some investigating and asking around to find my transcripts. Finally I had them sent to me a couple of days ago. I started calling colleges immediately and what I learned was like a smack in the face. None of the colleges I called would accept the classes I had taken at the vocational college towards my AS degree. In fact, I would have to completely start over like a new student with no credits. So in order to keep my job I would have to start over again as if I knew nothing.

In 13 days is my last day of work. I have done some job hunting and turned in my resume but as it stands I am looking at losing everything...my job, my paycheck, my benefits (which my children and spouse are covered under), life insurance, my retirement in less than two weeks and I can't do anything about it. The worst part is that my hospital is just the first to implement this standard and other hospitals will soon follow, meaning that I will not be able to work anywhere soon.

So I stand here at a place in the road where there are so many ways I could go. I could start over and do the program all over again and add another huge student loan to my debt load. I could collect unemployment and look for another job. I could go to college for something completely different. There may be a new path there I can't even see yet. I feel as if I am hovering above a tank full of sharks and I need a game plan on how I will survive falling in the water.

I look at my kids and know I can't just throw my hands up. They need me to be strong and push on and take care of them. My husband is self employed and while he does well we still depend heavily on my income right now. How will I juggle childcare? Will my new job be supportive of me pumping at work so I can keep breastfeeding Midge? What can I sell if I need money? What if I can't get a job? Where is a good place I can waitress?....etc....etc.

Right now I need prayers, and lots of them. I am trying to keep my faith that God has something bigger and better planned for me and a year from now I will be looking back and things will be okay.

I will update my situation as things unravel so keep checking back.

Thanks for your support and love during this difficult time.

Meet the Nameless Children

2007-11-13T19:56:00.000-08:00

I have been writing without using anyone's real name but my own. My mommy instinct tells me that this is a good thing to do for the safety of my offspring. However, I find writing out "my oldest daughter" is a lot more time consuming than just giving them nicknames. So I have decided on the following:

Oldest Daughter (6)- "Nee Nee." This is a shortened version of "Nee Nee Noonie Nunnies," which I called her as a baby for her love of breast feeding. She is in first grade, very smart. She was student of the month in October and told me yesterday after I told her to stop asking me "why?" all the time: "Mom, you told us that smart people ask the most questions." *sigh* She's a super kiddo. She is aka "The Informer" for obvious reasons. I never have to worry about injustice as long as she is around to tattle and bring the judge, jury, and executioner (me) out to referee.

Middle Son (4) - "Bear." He earned this nickname as he was born at 8lbs, 14oz completely natural and unmedicated. He's a sensitive guy...tends to cry over small bumps and bruises lately but he is the first to tell every single sales clerk in Target "I love you." He never has a shortage of hugs and when he gets excited his hands and legs twitch with overstimulated energy. It's funny to watch him flap his hands when he sees something exciting. He is aka "Captain Obvious" as he has a keen knack for repeating you or stating what everyone else is clearly aware of. These statements typically end in the word "huh?" so that we can verify that he is...in fact...correct about his musings.

Baby Son (6 months)- "Midge." Midge is a teeny version of me. In fact, at work we had a contest to guess whose baby picture was whose and because I brought him into work and they saw him everyone guessed mine with ease because he looks just like me as a baby. Because the word "midget" is becoming un-PC I shortened it to "Midge" in hopes that nobody would take offense. He is a 14 pound ball of fire. Active, loud, and he loves the outdoors. In this respect he is my hubby. He's amazing and I can't love him enough. He hasn't yet mastered crawling forward so he looks behind him and aims backwards and goes. He also is starting to realize where his toy box is and he goes over to it and puts his hand over the edge to spill it over, although he has yet to master that yet. His eyes are still brownish-blue and we are pretty sure there is a huge battle of the DNA inside his body trying to decide if we will have a brownie or bluey. I love it when he takes a deep breath and calls out an exuberant "Ehhhhh!" so forceful from his small body that his shoulders lean forward and his back curves. Everyday I am seeing more and more of his personality and he is definitely bigger than his body.

Oldest Kid (31)- I'm having a hard time naming him. So many come to mind: "Cornfed" "Red" "Opie" "Mr. Slave." I've worn out the teasing so I think Ill jut stick to calling him "Stephen." Yes, it's his real name.

I hope this makes reading more enjoyable...or at least less confusing.

I Read...I Write...I Think!

2007-11-13T19:33:00.000-08:00

So I haven't actually read for pleasure in awhile. I honestly just don't have the uninterrupted time to crack open a good novel and get lost.

Well I went to Barnes and Noble today and picked up a copy of The Vaccine Book by Robert Sears. I have been trying to find some really good unbiased information about vaccines and I think I have finally done it. It's been getting good reviews so I am looking forward to diving into it.

So it's not exactly "reading for pleasure" but I think it will help me decide what to do with the baby and his shot schedule. I like to sit down and educate myself on the choices I have to make as a parent. From birthing choices to infant feeding to weaning and then onto diapering and circumcision and toilet training to schooling. I have read up on em all. Please don't interpret this as an egotistical "gold medal mom" brag...I just like to research things. I have never been satisfied with an answer until I fully understand the reasonings behind it.

Heck, I even read a ton of stroller reviews today before buying my new Combi stroller at Babies R Us today. It was worth it because I love the one I chose. Yay!!

I'd better speed read it because baby boy is due for his shots on Thursday. :-(

And Speaking of Snickers...

2007-11-13T17:05:00.000-08:00

Why the heck didn't anyone tell me about Zagnuts? They are a beautiful marriage of my beloved Butterfinger's crispity buttery center with the crunchy toasted coco nutty-ness of a Chick-O-Stick. OH. MY. GOODNESS. Heaven in a red wrapper!

I also recommend the Toasted Marshmallow Mocha at Starbucks. Since their Christmas flavors are out I have been swinging by for "just one more coffee" every day this week. I have savored a Peppermint and White Chocolate Mocha as well. My mouth had a party that day.

No wonder my baby is so hyped up. Caffeinated breast milk...does a baby good!

Toot Butter Snickers

2007-11-07T21:03:00.000-08:00

Of all the funny potty words my kids have created in their short time on this earth the most popular has got to be "toot butter."

They run up to you with a cupped hand and through giggles ask, "Do you want some toot butter?" then laugh hysterically as you pretend to be horrified and grossed out.

As if toot butter wasn't enough potty humor for the week consider what my dear husband did to me the other night:

We were sorting (aka: looting) the kids' Halloween candy after the kids were in bed and I set aside the Snickers bars to put in the fridge. I can't stand Snickers at room temperature but frozen they are yummy. I asked my angel of a husband to put the fun sized Snickers in the freezer on his way to the kitchen. I sat happily sugared next to the arm of the couch as my hubby did what he was asked to do and he returned to the couch to be with me. To my confusion, instead of cuddling next to me again he climbed up on the arm of the couch where I was leaning. He stood up on the arm of the couch with his back towards me. I was still trying to figure out what he was doing when he proudly bared his behind and...oh geez...for lack of a better term..."spread em." Inside "em" was something brown and about 3 inches long and I shrieked and stood up in time so that the brown psuedo-poop only smeared the edge of my skirt when it fell from it's nasty surroundings. That punk laughed so hard I think he almost fell off the arm of the couch. I don't remember much after that except him laughing at me and me repeating over and over: "What the hell is wrong with you?" To men chocolate candy bars are a great poop gag just waiting to happen, but rare is a man who has so little inhibition that he would actually go through the motions of playing that kind of prank on his wife.

I will never be able to look at Snickers the same way again. It's all toot butter to me now.

Wildfires...Wednesday Update

2007-10-24T16:56:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up to find my husband was still at the Orange Show grounds managing one of the buildings. I got the kids up and drove the four year old to pre-school. I spoke with my honey and he told me he was going to try and sleep in his truck for a few hours. I was almost back home from the pre-school drop off when I got a call on my cell from the pre-school teacher asking me to come back because my son had fallen and his teeth had punctured through his lip. I made a U turn to pick him up and we made a stop at the urgent care to make sure the damage wasn't in need of medical attention, which he wasn't, luckily. We got it cleaned up and although it looks really nasty he seems to be eating and talking fine. From there we were able to attend a birthday party for a friend of the children and I spoke with my husband again. He asked me to come by and bring him a large soda so I gladly drove through Del Taco and took a drink to my thirsty hero.

Security was tight and media wasn't allowed inside of the building. I was stopped a couple of time before I got inside because I wasn't registered as a victim. Finally I reached my hubby and gave him his drink. I got a chance to look around me...rows of cots, a place for kids to play, a place to make phone calls, a place to eat, a person up on a stage giving updates and showing a slideshow of the damage. Hundreds of faces...all different ages, races...all wondering if their home was still going to be there when they were allowed back home. There were some elderly people laying on their cots, staring emptily into space. My heart just hurt.

At the event, my husband met Dave Pelzer, the author of the books "The Lost Boy" and "A Child Called It." They are autobiographies about one of the worst abuse child cases in California's history. My husband said he isn't much of a reader, but he read all of Dave Pelzer's books. I was introduced to David and I just can't tell you how bittersweetly heartwarming git was to know he had endured so much torture as a child and here he was volunteering his time to reach out to others in need. What an amazing man.

I was not there too long as the kids were getting antsy and my hubby was busy. I left the disaster relief area and went home to feed the kids.

Not long after dinner I got a call from the school district saying that the schools would be closed Thursday and Friday because of the poor air quality. My only one in public school goes year round and is off track right now so it doesn't really affect us too badly.

And for those of you who are wondering how close we are from the fires, we are roughly 30-40 miles from the one closest to us and as far as I know it is not contained. Our home is safe but we are being hit with terrible air quality and we have been advised to stay indoors.

I will update more as I get more information. Thanks for keeping our family in your thoughts.

California Wildfires

2007-10-23T20:44:00.000-07:00

This morning we could smell smoke before we got out of bed. I went outside to see our black cars covered in white ashes. The air was a hazy grey and visibility was low. Towards the north there was a huge wall of smoke covering the mountains. My eyes burned so I went back inside. I knew today we would not being playing outdoors.

Yesterday my older kids' dad and his family were evacuated from their home. I explained to the kids that the firefighters asked their dad and his family to leave their home because the fire was getting too close for it to be safer any longer. I assured them that everyone was okay without letting on that their house might actually catch fire. I didn't think they would deal well with that kinda of information. I pray that doesn't happen, that would be heartbreaking to have to explain to my children.

The entire day the smell of burning wood reminded me that others were walking away from their homes, possibly for the last time. It reminded me of those who have health issues who are not able to breathe easily because of the smoke. While driving I could feel my claustrophobia flaring up because I couldn't see familiar landmarks. I was irritated, sad, and wished for clean air and a clear sky.

After my husband got home I told the kids they needed to go through their room and pick 20 toys each to give to needy children. Right before the holidays we try to eliminate old toys to make way for the new. In doing so we also teach the kids that there are those less fortunate that we need to think of and give to them from our hearts. The two older ones didn't complain or fuss, they just went through their toys and picked out the ones to give away. My husband then made a surprise announcement that the family was going on a road trip. We packed up the toys and drove to a disaster relief facility for fire evacuees. We were redirected to the Red Cross office where we dropped off the toys and my husband let the staff know that he was trained to manage a disaster relief facility. He had undergone training for the Hurricane Katrina disaster a couple years ago. The woman who was taking the donation from us looked at him like he was holding gold. He gave her his information and she told him they were in real need of help. I could tell he really wanted to help, but he also wanted to spend time with his family. As we were leaving I heard my name being called down the hall. I could see someone walking towards us but I didn't recognize at first. Crazy enough, it was my cousin, Robert. He looked exhausted. Robert informed us that he was beat, and that they were unorganized and needed help. My husband looked at me and I told him he needed to drop us off and come back to help. So I stayed at home with the kids and he took off to help the disaster relief effort.

A few hours went by and I finally heard from my husband. He told me that there were three buildings housing and feeding people. Apparently he had been appointed facility manager and was in charge of twenty volunteers and five to six hundred evacuees. I could easily believe it...he is a leader and a fantastic manager. After a long day at work he has volunteered his time to help those whose future is uncertain. He has never been the kind of man who could rest while others suffered. In my eyes, and the eyes of many other people tonight, he is a hero. I wish I could be there to do my part and support him in his role. I suppose being here so he can be there is really doing my part. I'm just so proud of the man I married. There isn't anything better than knowing you married a man who has integrity, compassion, and a giving spirit.

Tonight I will pray for the victims and the heroes and ask that these fires are quenched and that life can get back to as normal as possible for everyone here in smokey southern California.

Peanut Butter and Chocolate Ice Cream

2007-10-23T16:02:00.000-07:00

When I was about 8 years old I became an addict. My family was spending an afternoon with my grandfather "Pop-Pop" and we were being treated out to Baskin Robbins ice cream shop. I was always big on Rainbow Sherbet but that day I was feeling like something different. My eyes scanned the titles on the front of the cold glass cases in search of the flavor that was going to be just the right one to satisfy my sweet tooth. When I saw the peanut butter and chocolate I knew that was the one I was going to try. It looked inviting, and the swirls of cold peanut butter that streaked the rich chocolate ice cream made me curious. How would it taste? Like a Reeces Peanut Butter Cup? Like a Butterfinger? I got a tiny pink sample spoon and savored the tiny bite. It was love. Every single ice cream cone from Baskin Robbins since then has been my beloved Peanut Butter and Chocolate.

I have bought it by the tub, which is always a mistake because I can't moderate it to save my life. Yesterday I had a little scoop on a cone...and it was just enough to satisfy my craving. It's my comfort food when I am having a stressful day. While it doesn't pack the punch of a really good Starbucks coffee it leaves me feeling like I am 8 years old again and my biggest choice of the day is my flavor of ice cream.

Quote of the week

2007-10-22T15:54:00.000-07:00

“Great minds talk about ideas, average minds talk about events, and small minds talk about people.”

~Unknown

Amen.

The Begrudged Love Letter

2007-10-03T23:15:00.000-07:00

To The Man That I Married,

Today I felt like taking your every belonging out of the house and scattering it on the front lawn. Your toothbrush would be crawling with ants, your boxers would have mud on them, and I am pretty sure that ceramic bull thing would lose his other horn in the process. I would finally be rid of the stinky shoes that permeate our tiny closet. The pitching out of your alarm clock would be most satisfying and I would rejoice as your beat up old suitcase that has been sitting on our bedroom floor unpacked for months landed hard on the dirt with an exhilarating "Fah-whump!"

Seething, I crept up on that big ceramic bull. He smiled a big bully grin right at me as I put my arms around his body and went to lift him. Then I noticed the crack in his horn where one night we put this guy back together. Yup, together. Damn. I let go of the bull, still gritting my teeth.

I twisted my wedding ring and sighed. Why do you make me go into panic mode? When things go sour between us why do I feel like running away...or more conveniently for me, pushing you out the door? Things weren't that bad, and certainly we would kiss and make up pretty soon. But why the fear? And when did you become butt head of the month?

The bull was still smiling at me. I smirked back. He'd been around before me. He's seen you through a lot. I would hate to traumatize him more.

The thing is, Baby, you have all of me. I have made myself vulnerable to you by giving you the kind of love that I have. And yeah, it scares me. It's like fight or flight with my emotions. I want to run away, hiding them under my coat, and keep them safe from harm. It took me a long time for me to entrust them to you. I can't stand to let them be stomped on again. I might never give them back.

So instead of tossing out your toothbrush it is sitting on the bathroom counter soaking in Listerine just because. And your shirts are folded and smell like Downy. I dusted off the bull and the suitcase...well, I left it there. I hope you do something with it soon or I will pack you up in it and ship you to Timbuktu.

I'm still not speaking to you. I want to make that perfectly clear. But through the silence those actions speak. And they say that I still am in love with you you stupid, insensitive, hard headed boar of a man. Ask the bull. He will tell you everything.

Love,

Your Wife